by Kaye Nicholson
BEING given a brief of “woman” and a vague word count seems somewhat daunting. How can I encapsulate everything I want to say about my experience of womanhood with no other guidelines? And then I realise that actually, this feeling perfectly encompasses what I want to say – womanhood is expansive. I have known, I do know and will come to know so many women during my life. They are all different and unique. I cannot define them by one thing alone. I have been inspired, strengthened, challenged and supported by these women.
Some people seek to limit womanhood by biology, though we know scientifically that every one of us is a unique combination of chromosomes, hormones, reproductive organs and genitalia. Some seek to limit womanhood to particular experiences, such as menstruation or childbirth. Some seek to limit womanhood to appearance, behaviours or ways of expression. If feminism has taught us anything, it’s that womanhood cannot and should not be limited. Those of us who identify with womanhood have experiences of various barriers that identity might bring. Like any minority group – because a minority is not defined sociologically on numbers alone – we have some shared experiences where we can relate to and empathise with each other. Challenges we face together and work collectively to tackle. There are, of course, some experiences that women in my life have had which I have not and possibly will not, by virtue of my own degrees of privilege. I do my best to listen, to learn, to align myself and help where I can.
I thought I had a notion of what womanhood was when I was a child, and later as a teen, I realised that this notion was very much at odds with my identity as a lesbian – I had learned that in loving other women romantically, I would need to give up another part of myself which I associated with my own personal notion of womanhood, which was in my mind at the time intrinsically linked to motherhood. Thankfully, as an adult I live at a time and in a place where I didn’t have to make this trade-off. I could do and be both a lesbian and a mother, without losing either part of those identities I personally hold. For me, womanhood is like this generally – evolving. It is not static; it does not diminish or dilute. It’s a “yes, and” scenario: a multi-faceted, nuanced and individual identity and experience which we can also apply under this shared experience of “womanhood”. I have no doubt that I will continue to add and shift elements of my own womanhood as I age, as I learn and reflect, as I am shaped by the women around me.
Some days womanhood feels like a burden. That’s probably not the thing I’m meant to say on International Women’s Day. But I feel that very viscerally sometimes and I know plenty of other women who do too. There are infinite examples throughout history of women pushing the conceptual boundaries of womanhood because they recognised the constraints. There are so many very real issues facing all women and girls, all over the world. Gender pay gap and workplace inequalities. Poverty. Limited or no access to education, healthcare, bodily autonomy, legal rights and status. An epidemic of violence against women and girls. All things designed to keep women restricted and disempowered. All things which are magnified when you add in other marginalised identities women hold. Division amongst women as a collective detracts from these issues, when we could be working together to tackle them effectively and collaboratively.
Womanhood is power; I also absolutely feel that some days. In an expansive and inclusive collective, even more so. Let’s celebrate womanhood in all of our varying experiences, share in womanhood, expand our circle and learn from each other. Make the circle bigger, not smaller. Tackle the barriers which we face, even if you don’t personally experience them, because it ultimately benefits us all. Learn from the experiences of the women facing multiple levels of prejudice and oppression. Bring them in; don’t push them out. Celebrate the endless and vast ways we each live our womanhood. As the wonderful Sandi Toksvig says; “Be kind to each other, but also be curious. The world is fascinating.”
Kaye Nicholson is the chief executive of Liberate
