Dancing woes, a lightweight new traffic cop and some gassy cows. Richard Heath looks back on April.
HE wouldn’t be much use in a foot chase, and would probably struggle to deliver a caution, but the States police hoped that their keen – if somewhat quiet – new recruit would be the secret weapon to finally crack down on speeding drivers. The rookie traffic cop – PC Flat – was seen at the side of roads aiming his speed gun at unsuspecting motorists. And to make sure he didn’t go anywhere that he shouldn’t, his colleagues ensured he was securely strapped to a lamppost. “We appreciate that motorists will quickly realise that PC Flat is, in fact, just a cut-out, but we hope that when it is spotted, it will remind drivers who regularly speed to slow down,” said Inspector Callum O’Connor, the force’s roads policing lead.
While speeding motorists faced the increased risk of getting on the wrong side of the law, those who wiggled their body to music also faced the prospect of a night in the slammer. There are two days in the year when dancing in a nightclub is an absolute no-no – Good Friday and Christmas Day. And having drunk two bottles of wine and eight vodkas is no mitigation. A number of nightclub owners said that their business would make “big losses” over the Easter weekend, and called for the authorities to review the legislation, which dates back decades. “Times have changed, attitudes have changed,” said Gavin Reid, managing director of Randalls.
Meanwhile, the weather was doing what it does best: turning the English Channel into a frothing sea of mountainous waves just in time for a school holiday. Poor old Condor were once again forced to DEFCON 1 as storm after storm rattled across the British Isles, confining ferries to port when they should have been shipping hundreds of Islanders out on holiday. And the French were doing what they do best: going on strike – forcing the firm to cancel several crossings to St Malo.
Later in the month, when the weather had finally started behaving, the magnificent Götheborg of Sweden – the world’s largest ocean-going wooden sailing ship – arrived in the Harbour ahead of the Barclays Jersey Boat Show.
There was some sad news during April, as the Island said goodbye to three well-known faces who had served Jersey with distinction in so many ways. Former Trinity Deputy Hugh Raymond – who had held a range of roles including chair of the Sports Council and president of the Honorary Police Association – passed away aged 77. Tributes were also paid to former Deputy and ex-Jersey Electricity chairman Derek Maltwood following his death at the age of 84. And Jurat Roy Bullen, who was Harbourmaster for almost two decades and played a pivotal role in improving maritime safety around the Island, died aged 86.
A solo sailor was rescued after mysteriously drifting ashore in Alderney – during an apparently ill-fated bid to cross from Guernsey back home to Jersey. The unnamed Islander was saved by members of Alderney’s Harbour team and rescue services as his motor yacht was close to being swept onto rocks. It is not clear how the vessel ended up 40 miles from its intended destination, although islanders in Alderney speculated it either suffered mechanical problems or the sailor turned left instead of right as he left Guernsey Harbour. One source said: “He didn’t give much away when we spoke to him. It’s all very odd.”
Someone else who wasn’t giving anything away was Colin the Coypu – also known as the Beast from the East during the height of his fame in the autumn of the previous year. The giant rat-like visitor was fodder for the local media when he arrived on our shores and began unwittingly scaring the bejesus out of unsuspecting Islanders in St Martin and Trinity. After a period of lying low, there was a further sighting in April, but the phantom has since gone to ground.
One animal that was very much in plain sight was the humble Jersey cow – she of pretty face and ever so windy bottom. Dairy farmers said they were trying to work out how to tackle “cow-linked climate emissions” (burps and trumps to you and me) after it was revealed that bovines across the Channel could be given “methane-blockers” in a bid to hit the government’s environmental targets.
Because he is nice – or because he was fed up with their not-so-lady-like flatulence – King Charles handed back seven cows that we had given his mother the previous year. The Island had gifted the heifers to Queen Elizabeth II as a present for her Platinum Jubilee. But in April, King Charles herded them back onto the boat and sent them to Woodlands Farm to help them recover following the death of more than 100 cows in December.
The former Water’s Edge Hotel in Bouley Bay, which has quietly been rotting away for years like a sad metaphor for the Island’s tourism industry, was bought for £6.4 million by a family who, in time-honoured tradition, plan to knock it down and build a massive house.
A German car salesman decided to put one of the old Elizabeth Castle puddleducks up for auction, after buying the old amphibious bus and realising he couldn’t do anything with it. Ingo Sillus, who normally sells American cars and school buses, admitted it would never pass an MOT but could be used as a static food truck or museum piece. He admitted the buyer would need to carry out some work, “particularly to the steering”.
And despite some faint hopes that the cost-of-living crisis was going to ease, inflation in Jersey remained at a record high of 12.7%. It was all being driven by huge increases in housing and food costs, with bread rising 16.7%, eggs by 13.2% and cheese by 24.8%. The only positive news in an otherwise miserable set of figures was that alcohol had increased by just 5%.
