A COUPLE of years ago we ran this little feature in the paper just as Covid was getting going, and it kinda got a bit lost. Given that the news is rather depressing at the moment, we thought we’d give it a new showing. Yes, Jersey has its problems. But doesn’t everywhere? When you think about it, this little rock is not a bad place to live…
1. Close your eyes and think back to that glorious summer. Beach trips. Sea swims. Barbecues. Children excitedly running through the new water play park at Millbrook during those glorious two days when it actually worked. What a wonderful summer it was. And now Christmas is coming. Slowly. Roughly one day at a time. But it’s coming.
2. Road-side hedge veg stalls. There are few greater pleasures than paying a few pennies for a lovely bag of fresh veg. And there is a huge sense of pride in explaining to a tourist that the stalls are unmanned because no one would dare to rob them. Some people do rob them. But mostly we don’t.
3. The humble filter-in-turn – the little Jersey road junction that a) enables traffic to keep moving, albeit slowly and b) allows us to show common decency towards other road users. Except when the other car has an ‘H’ on the number plate – because then it is always our right of way.
4. Superman. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Doesn’t matter. What matters is he is from Jersey. Henry Cavill was born in this Island. Suck it up, Guernsey.
5. There’s no council tax. You may not like paying the annual rates bill, but believe us, there’s nothing worse than shelling out £200 a month to a UK council to have your bins emptied twice a year while you watch the pothole on the road outside slowly grow into the size of a lake.
6. If you disregard Columbo, Poirot, Inspector Morse, Miss Marple, that woman from Murder She Wrote and Scooby Do, then the best fictional detective of all time was from Jersey. Well done, Bergerac. And he may be back on our screens soon.
7. Most places in the UK could only dream of having a castle. And we’ve got two. Or three if you count that wall and bits of rubble up at Grosnez.
8. Our petrol prices are cheaper than the UK. And every family here has at least four cars. So that amounts to a massive Islandwide saving.
9. You are never more than a short drive away from a restaurant that sells meat on a skewer with a side order of every conceivable type of carbohydrate. The wheel, the combustion engine and the espetada – the world’s three greatest inventions. And not necessarily in that order. Stick your Nando’s. Jersey has proper Portuguese/ Madeiran food.
10. Just search ‘Santa Jersey Airport’ on YouTube.
11. If they aren’t digging up a road, your commute is never more than 20 minutes.
12. King Street is definitely less dead than the average high street in England. Most shopping centres over there are just a loose collection of pound shops, bookies and characterless chains. Not so here. And there are lovely cobbles (not tarmac) under your feet and if you look up, most of the buildings are really rather pretty. Yes, St Helier has much more going for it than the average UK town. Don’t believe us? Then go to Goole. Or Barnsley. Or Swindon. Actually don’t. Just take our word for it.
13. Other places have potatoes. We have Jersey Royals – the real reason why God created butter and mint. It is a vegetable so revered that anyone referring to it as a ‘spud’ should be marched down to the Magistrate’s Court and bound over to leave the Island (on the boat that leaves in the morning, of course.)
14. The sea is warmer here. Unless you are reading this online from France or Spain or Australia or wherever. In which case, a swim in our sea is much more refreshing.
15. Pizzas – good. Beaches – good. It is therefore an indisputable fact that St Brelade’s Bay is home to the best Pizza Express in the world.
16. There’s no way of saying this without sounding like a snob, but it is a fact that we do have a higher class of charity shop here. Many such shops in the UK sell stuff that was thrown away for a very good reason. That’s simply not how we roll here. A colleague reports that many years ago she bought a Chanel suit from the Hospice charity shop in town. And the best bit about it? She didn’t even know it was Chanel until she got home. That’s the sort of middle-class surprise you get from our charity shops. A big thank you to all our rich people who can’t tolerate the thought of wearing something more than once.
17. The Petit Train. What better way to enjoy the sights of St Aubin’s Bay. OK, perhaps walking or cycling. But it’s certainly the best way to enjoy the sights of St Aubin’s Bay when it’s raining.
18. We have lots of buzzards. Look up and you’ll see these birds of prey everywhere. And they make a funny meowing noise as they swoop around. So you could say we have flying cats.
19. We are only an hour from France.
20. We are a whole hour from France.
21. We have the honorary police. OK, OK, OK. One minute please. If they didn’t exist the States police would be doing all that work too. And you’d be paying for it.
22. Condor keeps the sea links going. Yes, it sometimes goes wrong, but they do try really hard. And operating a ferry service across the Channel is no easy thing.
23. The Elizabeth Castle ferries. One minute they are a bus. The next, they are a boat. Blows our mind every time.
24. We have a statue of C-3PO from Star Wars in the Royal Square. We think it’s C-3PO, or it could be King George II. Either way, it’s very nice.
25. We have easyJet. They are cheap, usually on time, and when it’s cloudy, at least they give us something orange to look at in the sky. Please don’t leave, easyJet. Please.
PART TWO WILL BE PUBLISHED TOMORROW
