By Lindsay Ash
WELL what an interesting by election we saw in Gorton, where the Greens triumphed with what can only be described as “unusual far-left” policies. The abolition of landlords being one. This is problematic because either landlords will be forced to sell, causing a seismic property crash, plunging the financial system into chaos, or you have a Mugabe-style land-grab, where property is simply seized by the state.
We then have the legalisation of all drugs, with “evidence-based [drug] education to be included in teacher training and incorporated into personal, social and health education (PSHE) … starting in primary school”.
Another of their mad-cap ideas is to have completely open border immigration, with new arrivals immediately qualifying for benefit payments.
Now despite the fact that several local politicians admire the Greens and their leader, I am more in agreement with journalist Rod Liddle, who said that in his teens he was a member of the Socialist Workers Party and even then he’d have found the Greens a bit extreme for his taste.
Like Mr Liddle, in my teens I was very much to the left, but, as life went on, I realised that while it’s a lovely dream, in reality the politics of the Left are not so clever. There is a wonderful quote that goes: “If a man is not a socialist by the time he is 20, then he has no heart, but if he is not a conservative by the time he is 40, then he has no brain.”
It’s attributed to Winston Churchill, but actually there is no evidence that he ever said it. What Churchill did say, however, was that “socialism is the philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance and the gospel of envy”.
I have to say that while pondering the above on Friday morning my mind drifted away from politics, moving on to how wonderful quotations are in a variety of contexts. Some are amusing, some inspirational, some are both and they stick in your memory. It’s why I have always found Churchill so quotable.
An example of quick wit attributed to the great man came when Lady Nancy Astor remarked to Churchill that if she were his wife she’d poison his drink, to which he replied: “Madam, if I were your husband, I’d drink it.”*
Politics has thrown up many great quotes and stories, of course, but despite being an arena of much verbal badinage it doesn’t have exclusivity on them. Many of my favourites in fact come from the world of sport.
Jack Nicklaus, the great American golfer, was trying to help some young Americans who were playing The Open for the first time. It is said they were discussing the importance of allowing for the wind, except on the greens, when the crowd shelter you from it to an extent. One young player said: “But what if there are no crowds?” To which Nicklaus replied: “I don’t know. I’ve never played when there haven’t been crowds.”
The legendary Liverpool manager Bill Shankly provided many memorable quotes. On one occasion he had just signed Ron Yeats, a large, imposing centre half, and he invited the press to “come in, gentleman, and have a walk round him”. Shankly not only had humour but imparted wisdom. He once said: “If I had a job to do such as cleaning the floor … I wanted my floor to be cleaner than yours. Do every small job properly. Work harder than anyone else … that’s how you build greatness.” Wise words indeed.
Cricket throws up some lovely stories and quotes; this may be because the players have little else to do when they spend large parts of the day sitting around in the pavilion. Michael Holding, the great West Indian fast bowler, was asked what he did to prevent the batsman hitting the ball back over his head.
He replied: “They find it pretty difficult to hit it back over my head when the ball is under their nose.”
Keith Miller, who served as a pilot with the Royal Australian Air Force during the Second World War, put sport nicely into perspective when asked about the pressures of playing Test cricket: “I’ll tell you what pressure is. Pressure is a Messerschmitt up your a**e. Playing cricket is not.”
Showbusiness is another arena that throws up some beauties. Many were provided by Noel Coward, who said: “People are wrong when they say opera is not what it used to be. It is what it used to be. That is what’s wrong with it.”
If Coward was the master of the witty cutting phrase, then American actress Bette Davis was the mistress. She said: “Strong women only marry weak men.”
And her dislike of fellow actress Joan Crawford drew out this classic: “You should never say bad things about the dead, only good. Joan Crawford is dead. Good…”
I’ll leave you with one of my favourites that combines both showbusiness and politics.
Playwright George Bernard Shaw sent Churchill two tickets to his show with the message: “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new show. Please bring a friend if you have one.”
Churchill wrote back: “Apologies, can’t possibly make the first night, though would be delighted to attend the second… should you have one.”
*This well-known line is attributed to Churchill, though some believe it was said by his friend F E Smith (Lord Birkenhead). In any case, there is much documented evidence that the joke had been circulating in various forms since November 1899 – Ed.
Lindsay Ash was Deputy for St Clement between 2018 and 2022, serving as Assistant Treasury and Home Affairs Minister under Chief Minister John Le Fondré. He worked in the City of London for 15 years as a futures broker before moving to Jersey and working in the Island’s finance industry from 2000. Feedback welcome on Twitter
@Getonthelash2
