WHILE the festive season is often associated with warmth and family time, local charities say it can also amplify pressure behind closed doors – with a growing number of parents in Jersey seeking support to navigate separation during Christmas.
Family Mediation Jersey – a charity which supports Islanders going through divorce, relationship breakdown or other disputes – has reported a 20% rise in queries regarding support for family separation.
Manager Elaine Feltham explained that festive pressures such as finances, shared living spaces, and childcare arrangements cause tension within households, resulting in conflict and arguments at a time which is already emotional for many.
The recently published Jersey Opinions and Lifestyle Survey suggested that around one in three households were finding it difficult to cope financially, and adults in this bracket had some of the lowest wellbeing and life satisfaction scores and were most likely to be “very time poor”.
James Cunningham, founder of James’ Ark, a charity which aims to ensure children with separated parents do not lose contact with their fathers, said finances were a frequent trigger for fall-outs.
The “hustle and bustle” of Christmas alongside the cold weather may also inflame tensions during the festive season, he said, despite families “trying harder to stick together for the kids”.
Mr Cunningham told the JEP that his charity had noticed an uptick in queries across the year, and that he expected the festive season would also be busy.
“I have had 10 new cases this month. We’re only on the 18th and I have been away for nine days,” he explained.
“I reckon I will get to about 20 cases by the end of the month. So far this year, we have had 210 fathers and 68 mothers come to us. We primarily help fathers, but we now help mothers, fathers, and children.”
Family Mediation Jersey said they had noted a particular increase in couples who had remained living under the same roof while working out their next steps, adding that support for these specific circumstances – often described as “living together apart” – was available.
This includes financing housing, day-to-day living, parenting schedules, property, and how to communicate during the change.
Mediation can help slow things down, reduce conflict, and create a more stable environment, particularly for children.
Elaine Feltham, Family Mediation Jersey
Mr Cunningham said it was important that, should a couple choose to separate and the father moves out, that this doesn’t mark the start of a breakdown in communication and access– something which can ultimately be damaging for families.
Ms Feltham said that mediation was one of the most helpful ways of reducing conflict.
“What we’re hearing is that many parents want to reduce conflict at home and make clear, workable arrangements, especially where children are involved. Mediation helps people have difficult conversations safely and constructively, while keeping the focus on practical solutions,” she said.
“Families don’t need to have everything resolved before Christmas. Mediation can help slow things down, reduce conflict, and create a more stable environment, particularly for children.”
Advice
In hope of helping to reduce pressure this Christmas, Family Mediation Jersey has issued the following “gentle” advice:
• It is okay to pause major decisions until after Christmas, where possible
• Keep conversations focused on children and their wellbeing
• Agree on simple boundaries around finances, routines and shared space
• Allow time and space to step away when emotions feel heightened
• Make small, practical agreements about how Christmas days will be handled
Seek support from Family Mediation Jersey or James’ Ark or learn more about both charities by heading to their websites fmj.je and jamesarkjersey.com.
