WE drink less than we did, you can’t marry a 16-year-old and you can’t call your child Robocop.
The ten things we’ve learnt this week are:
1. We’re gonna need a bigger bag
For a few weeks now the sea has been giving us gifts. It started with bottles of Avant water and before we knew it, air fresheners, toothbrushes and bags of nuts which had tumbled off a ship in the Channel were being bagged by beachcombers along the south and west coasts. But things could get far more exciting than scooping up snack from Lidl – after the cargo ship Felicity Ace sank in the Atlantic this week, taking its consignment of Audis, Porsches, Lamborghinis and Bentleys with it. So next time you visit the beach, leave the bag at home, and take a trailer.
2. ‘Ah, isn’t he cute. What’s his name?’ ‘Robocop’. Silly baby names have been banned
According to Wikipedia it is illegal in New Zealand to name your child ‘Talula Does the Hula from Hawaii’. ‘Robocop’ is a banned name in Mexico. In Malaysia, it is illegal to name your child Snake, presumably because if you want to call your child in from the garden, the last thing anyone wants to hear is someone shouting ‘Snake! Snake!’. Saudi Arabia have also banned ‘Linda’ for reasons unknown. And in Jersey this week, politicians voted in favour of making it illegal to give your child a ‘confusing, embarrassing or offensive’ name.
3. Jersey Airport has a short runway
Anyone who has ever landed in Jersey knows that our runway is one of the shortest in Europe. It’s not ‘Guernsey short’, but it’s short. And this week the pilot of a light aircraft which had just touched down discovered that the tarmac was coming to an end rather more quickly than anticipated – and the plane rolled off the end of the runway. Fortunately everyone escaped unharmed.
4. St Helier could get more green space (yes, you read that correctly)
Only a decade or so ago, the bit of land bordering St Saviour’s Road, Tunnell Street and Bath Street was just a car park. Now it is a green space enjoyed by town residents, office workers, shoppers and occasionally some unruly teenagers. And instead of wanting to concrete over it, the powers-that-be want it to double in size. This week the Housing Minister gave his approval to the proposal (but said the extra bit of land may actually end up being used for a new school).
5. St Helier could get another (sort-of) hotel – and lots more homes
Developers Le Masurier, who are putting the finishing touches to their Bath Street homes and hotel project, this week announced plans for another massive development in town. If they get the go-ahead, nearly 240 homes, plus shops, restaurants and an ‘apart-hotel (whatever that is) will be built between Broad Street and Commercial Street.
6. But we could also lose a hotel
Let’s be honest, if you are a hotel and was built before 1980, you are on borrowed time. The Mayfair, Stafford, Revere are all facing being on the wrong end of a wrecking ball sometime soonish, and now, it seems, the Apollo may be joining them. It will find out its fate next week.
7. You can no longer get married at 16
Being 16 should be about playing on your X-Box, kicking a football about with your mates and swooning over your favourite singer or YouTube star. It’s not about exchanging vows. Surprisingly though, until this week you could legally marry at 16. Now it’s 18, which still seems a bit young.
8. When Guernseymen speed, they really go for it
Motorcyclist Reece Blondel was taken to court this week after recording himself riding at speeds of up to 121mph. Following his whizz around Guernsey – an Island with a maximum speed limit of 35mph – he could be heard on the recording saying: ‘That’s the best idea I’ve ever had’. It wasn’t – he was jailed for ten months by a judge who described his antics as ‘moronic’.
9. The party’s on!
Jersey’s politicians this week rubber-stamped plans for a four-day bank holiday weekend to celebrate the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee. So Thursday 2 June and Friday 3 will be public holidays. Fingers crossed for good weather (and no new Covid variants)
10. You probably drink less than you did
Many years ago someone described Jersey as 80,000 alcoholics clinging to a rock. Clearly that’s inaccurate. It should be 110,000 alcoholics clinging to a rock. But anyway, according to new stats we are drinking about a sixth less than we did a decade ago. So well done you. And it’s Friday, so why not celebrate by opening a bottle of something nice.
