MALE victims of childhood sex crimes should not see reporting it as a “weakness” as men “go through abuse just like girls”, an abuse survivor has said ahead of his attacker being sentenced this week.
In July, former care manager Donna Bentley was convicted of committing a string of historical sex offences against a boy under the age of 16.
Jurors retired for seven hours and 32 minutes before finding the 53-year-old guilty on two counts of procuring an act of gross indecency and a single count of indecent assault.
The three offences concern a single incident that took place in the 1990s: one that involved Bentley forcing herself into the bed of a sleeping child before subjecting him to sexual intercourse “at an age when he could not lawfully consent”.
Following her conviction, Detective Constable Elianne Jones, who led the investigation, praised the victim for his “incredible bravery and strength” in reporting the historical abuse.
“The long-lasting trauma sustained from this abuse has greatly impacted the victim’s life and it has taken immense courage to speak out about what he experienced,” she said.
Ahead of Bentley’s sentencing on Wednesday, the complainant in the case spoke to the JEP about the importance – irrespective of age, gender or background – of “picking up the phone” and using the “phenomenal” support networks available in Jersey for victims of sexual abuse.
HEADER “It was all childhood trauma spilling out”
Giving evidence during Bentley’s trial, the Islander said that he had grown up wearing his experience of non-consensual intercourse with an adult woman as a “badge of honour”.
Everything changed, however, when a work colleague heard him relay his experience – and correctly identified it as sexual abuse.
But his earlier misconception of what took place, he said, would go on to affect “every part” of his life – creating, among other problems, a “very negative” relationship with alcohol.
“Now I’m sober,” he happily reported. “But I drank on this thing with Donna, and my other issues as a child, all through my 30s, to the point where I didn’t want to be here anymore.
“The complex PTSD, which was diagnosed by psychologists five or six years ago, was coming on, I was drinking myself homeless, I was getting in trouble fighting, and it was all childhood trauma spilling out.
“The thing with Donna just kept building in my head, but I wasn’t well enough to report it – and, I’ve got to be honest – if I had not stopped drinking, I probably never would have.”
HEADER “My advice would be to pick up the phone now and phone Dewberry House”
After giving up alcohol, the Islander concluded that his abuse “needs dealing with for me to move forward”, and resolved to report his abuser to the authorities.
However, the task of simply volunteering his deeply traumatic experiences of sexual abuse to the police proved “extremely difficult” in practise.
“My issue was walking through the door and asking for help,” he reflected. “That was massive, as I couldn’t do it.”
Fortunately, the Islander noticed an advert for the Dewberry House Sexual Assault Referral Centre in Jersey.
“I remember looking at Dewberry House and thinking “that’s it, that’s my route in”, so I phoned them – an anonymous call – and thought, ‘I’m just going to go for it’.
“I arranged a meeting, I think the next day, spoke to them, and they contacted the police, so Dewberry House was a gigantic factor in making this possible.
“My advice would now be, if it is happening to you, pick the phone up now and phone Dewberry House.
“If it’s too intimidating to phone the police, or you’re not strong enough to phone the police, phone Dewberry House – it is a safe environment to go to.
“Then, you can go from there. Don’t wait for years suffering, don’t turn to drink or drugs to deal with it – my advice is, deal with it now, and the support is there.”
HEADER “Men see it as a weakness to go and report it”
The Islander said that the support network then made available to him – which comprised the States of Jersey police, Jersey Action against Rape and a cluster of mental health professionals – helped him find the strength to take Bentley to the Royal Court.
“Men see it as a weakness to go and report it,” he said. “Even though men, and boys, are just as vulnerable as girls.
“What the police said to me it that it needs to be highlighted that men go through the abuse just like girls, and it has the same effects in later life.
“What the police have shown me during this investigation is that I was treated just the same as how an abused girl would have been, and they went after Donna exactly the same as they would have gone after a man or a woman that had abused a girl.
“So just because you are a man doesn’t mean you have to wear the scar, or go through life suffering because you have been abused: whether you are a boy or a girl, abuse is abuse.
“There is no stigma attached. You are treated fairly and equally, and the process has already served its purpose in a positive way.”
He singled out DC Jones for her “incredible” role in helping feel safe and supported as the investigation against Bentley got under way.
“It wasn’t like it was a copper sat in front of me,” he told. “I could tell her anything, and I never thought I would say that, but that’s how she made me feel.
“And I want other people to know that that is how they’re going to be made to feel as well.”
HEADER “If you are an abuser, you are not safe”
He hopes that the conviction of Bentley will now ensure that other victims feel empowered to bring their abusers to justice.
“Even if it is historic, they are coming for you – and the police really did do everything possible to make sure that the charge was brought and ended in court,” he said.
“Mine was over 30 years ago – so another point I will make is this: if you are an abuser, you are not safe.
“Now is the time for someone to go and report their abuser, because you are going to get the backing of the system to go after them.”
He also believes that the court proceedings involving Bentley will go towards eradicating pre-conceptions about what a sexual abuser is “supposed” to look like.
“People have got this stereotypical idea of what a paedophile looks like – a man, who is either bald or has frizzy hair and thick glasses – but abusers come in every shape or form.”
HEADER “Pick the phone up and go to Dewberry House”
In a statement provided to the JEP, a spokesperson for the charity Jersey Action Against Rape said that the Island “needs to continue building awareness that sexual offences can happen to anyone, and that support is available to anyone”.
“At JAAR, our free, specialist, trauma-informed counselling service is available to anyone affected by trauma (directly or indirectly), including male survivors,” the spokesperson said.
“There is no time limit on when someone can seek support, and no survivor should feel that they have to deal with the impact of sexual abuse alone.”
A representative on behalf of Dewberry House confirmed that the centre offers “support to anyone who has been impacted by sexual harm at any point in their lives” and remains “open to all ages and genders and will see people no matter when they experienced harm.”
The victim of Bentley is clear: “You may not be strong enough, you may think you are weak, but you can deal with it: pick up the phone up to Dewberry House.”
