IT has been a busy week of news. If you missed it, here’s a little recap
1. How do things like this happen? How? Just how?
A convicted criminal from the UK flies to Jersey. Two days later convicted criminal gets himself a job as a cleaner. Convicted criminal is sent in to people’s homes. Convicted criminal starts to not only clean people’s personal possessions, but pop them into his swag bag and take them home. Convicted criminal is arrested after helping himself to £7,000 worth of belongings. Convicted criminal gets himself a shiny brand new conviction and is jailed for two years. Honestly, doesn’t anyone bother to check out these people? Shocking, but perhaps not quite as shocking as that story from Guernsey (but we aren’t going to go there today)…
2. Yes it saved a trip to the green-waste site, but…
A question, if you have some garden waste to burn and it’s all piled up near a tree and some bushes and it’s sunny and hot and it’s the first day of a hosepipe ban do you a) bag it up and take it to La Collette or b) set the whole thing on fire? Someone did the latter and firefighters had to use some more of our precious water to put it out.
3. How safe is the hospital? Don’t ask us – no-one knows
We know our Health department has been struggling a bit. But we didn’t know that our hospital was unsafe. Well, actually we still don’t. It might be safe. Or it might not. It might be providing great care. Or it might not. We don’t know, because no one has been keeping any proper records. That’s the view of a professor who was commissioned to write a report on the governance of the Hospital and basically concluded by saying he hadn’t a clue what was going on. Worrying, but perhaps not quite as worrying as that story from Guernsey (but we aren’t going to go there today)…
4. A pretty fish has turned up (but we’d just like some mackerel, like the good old days)
A comber – a fish normally resident in the eastern Atlantic and Indian Ocean – was caught by an Islander in another sign that our warming seas are disrupting marine life. Does this also explain the lack of mackerel? Honestly, where have they all gone?
5. You are probably poorer than this time last year
It’s official – we are all worse off than we were this time last year. And by ‘all’, we mean everyone who’s not in finance, obviously. When taking inflation into account, average earnings in the private-sector were 1.1% lower in real terms than in June 2021, while public-sector earnings dropped by 4.4%. Depressing, but perhaps not quite as depressing as that story from Guernsey (but we aren’t going to go there today)…
6. Snow joke – August was colder than we thought
The climate-change deniers are right – the mainstream media are making it all up. This was proven beyond doubt by easyJet this week after they declined passengers’ claims for compensation for a delayed flight in August – because the disruption had been caused ‘by snow’. Yep, on 15 August, when Jersey Met were telling the world that the temperature had hit 23°C, airport workers were busy clearing the runway of the white stuff, apparently. (The airline apologised and said it was down to someone mistyping).
7. A brother & sister set an example to us all
These two are truly inspirational. Seven-year-old Milleigh Milner and her brother Max (4) are currently running and/or cycling 100km over ten days to raise money for Healing Waves. What an amazing challenge. And if you’d like to donate, simply click here
8. This summer was very hot, you know
There is a very good reason why you sprayed your way through 25 cans of deodorant this summer and had to drink all that white wine just to keep cool – it was provisionally the hottest on record – beating the famously scorching summer of 1976. It was big news, but perhaps not quite as big as that story from Guernsey (but we aren’t going to go there today)…
9. Phew, that’s a relief
Good news, everyone: We may not have started building the new hospital yet, countless government buildings which could be redeveloped for housing are lying empty and house prices are enough to make a first-time buyer weep (or just move to the UK) – but guess what, the lettering on the old Cyril Le Marquand building has been saved. It’s going to be used in a new housing estate. Kinda makes it all better, doesn’t it.
10. A Guernseyman went to the toilet on a church pulpit
Okay, okay. Given that you won’t stop asking… A Guernseyman was jailed for 28 days after defecating on a church pulpit and returning the following day and urinating against a pillar. You can read that back all you like, but yes, it actually happened. The story caused something of a stink across the water and we’ve pooh-poohed the idea of repeating it in any great detail. But if you missed it, put down that sandwich and consider these four important points:
1. The chap took his own toilet roll with him. Doing your business in a church is a despicable act. But a premeditated poo? Now that’s a whole new level of offending.
2. Whether he meant it or not, the guy’s reaction when police showed him the CCTV footage was priceless. ‘Jesus, this is embarrassing,’ he said.
3. The judge was clearly writing his own headlines when he described the defendant’s deposit as an ‘unholy mess’.
4. And, curiously, the guy was charged with two offences: criminal damage for his impromptu pulpit poo, and disorderly behaviour for the act of urinating. Which begs one obvious question: Does dropping your trousers and defecating on a church pulpit not qualify as ‘disorderly behaviour’ in Guernsey…?
