By Lindsay Ash
So we are a few days into 2024 and we have a VoNC. While it sounds like a rather unpleasant sexually transmitted disease (“I’m afraid you seem to have contracted a VoNC”) it is actually a rather routine Jersey political event these days that takes place about two years after an election, rather than something that happens about two weeks after something that sounds similar.
It is normally brought about through a malcontent who is either unhappy about some apparent slight or who has their eyes on the top job or both. It is rarely brought by those who have the Island’s interest at heart.
It is always, though, disguised in flowery language with buzz words like “leadership”, “vision”, “disunity” etc thrown in. Unlike an STD, which can prove fatal, a VoNC (vote of no confidence) has yet to turn out so in Jersey – although in Guernsey it has recently. Who knows? Maybe a “win double” is on the cards.
What we had in the last Assembly was that people didn’t like what was being done and how Covid was being handled. It was largely inspired by people who were frightened of their own shadow and led by someone with eyes on the top job. It was defeated because the majority actually realised that things were being handled quite well and that calling a VoNC in the middle of a global pandemic was perhaps not in the Island’s best interests.
This was later backed up by the official report. Then Chief Minister John Le Fondré also survived because he had a lot of very experienced people in the key positions – Susie Pinel, Len Norman, Judy Martin, to name but three and of course very capable assistant ministers – me, to name but one! Here, many of the senior roles are taken by first-time Members and that’s a tough ask.
Ironically though, the main ringleader returned in triumph some two years later only to face a VoNC herself this time, not for doing anything but for doing nothing.
Now it’s around this time that all the nostalgic Islanders surface with “it wasn’t like this under the committee system when Members weren’t paid”. People have short memories because back then there was a widespread assumption that States Members made the Mafia look like the Salvation Army when it came to corruption and WH Smith’s were clean out of brown envelopes. I doubt many, if any, were corrupt at all but that was the perception.
As I told one eminent Jerseyman: “At least people just think today’s politicians are useless.” It’s also true to say that the committee system didn’t save our friends in Guernsey descending into a chaotic mess either, did it?
There is little doubt, though, that the way we currently elect our Chief Minister and the system that he, she or people identifying as a French poodle, have to operate under is fatally flawed. You have a system that they and their motley assortment of people, who have pledged all sorts and now form a loose coalition with no formal common ground, are forced by the rules to be in a minority against the rest, which has made matters worse.
This vote of no confidence is very interesting because you have two people who arrived pledging to build a hospital for half the price, failing miserably and now looking to blame each other for the resulting fiasco without actually naming the issue. Instead, they are choosing to bandy around words such as “leadership” and “teamwork” etc.
Wouldn’t it be great it we had some real up-front dialogue – “I tasked Deputy Binet to get the hospital for less and he made a right mess of it.” “I only made a mess of it because the Health Minister wouldn’t back my brilliant plan for 22 sites and the Chief Minister sided with her more than me.” “I only went back to Belfast as none of these clowns would listen and instead created a massive mess that I wanted no part in.”
A bit of poetic licence there, of course, but if you think it makes it sound like a soap opera you are 100% correct because that’s exactly what it is, albeit on more of a Dallas budget than a Coronation Street one – and all funded by the taxpayer.
And then stage left, in more pantomime fashion than soap, we have Deputy Sam Mézec and his 40 (he wishes!) Thieves. Normally they would be greeted with a “boo hiss” but with Prince Charming and Cinderella coming to blows and Buttons Morel standing by haplessly looking on at the melée, they don’t look so bad.
They are also developing a much more politically savvy way about them, probably in part due to Deputy Feltham, and rather than charging into the VoNC chanting “Ooooooh, Jeremy Corbyn” they have taken a step back into the territory of “we can’t lose here chaps… let’s publicly state we are happy to chat with Bobby and see if she fancies using any more of our ideas. If she does, we can open up more tampon drop-in centres and offer free inflatables to Syria. If she doesn’t, we look as though we’ve been very reasonable and mature and can vote against her.”
As Deputy Ward might say: “That’s a right touch… Blinding idea, my son.”
One thing you can say about Jersey politics, it’s rarely dull. More people should follow it and vote – perhaps if they did though it would mean we would get less of this entertainment.
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Lindsay Ash was Deputy for St Clement between 2018 and 2022, serving as Assistant Treasury and Home Affairs Minister under Chief Minister John Le Fondré. He worked in the City of London for 15 years as a futures broker before moving to Jersey and working in the Island’s finance industry from 2000. Feedback welcome on Twitter @Getonthelash2.
