Reduced to a lesser being

I was particularly sensitive because my A-level English Language class had been studying the use of endearment terms, and we had discovered that, unless used between close friends and loved ones, they tend to be used towards someone considered inferior, whether through age, social status or gender.

One of my students did research in the bakery where she worked on Saturdays, and found that older female customers tended to address her as ‘love’ and men tended to call her ‘darling’. The full-time member of staff got ‘dear’.

Soon after that, I was able to do my own investigation when I was in hospital for a minor op. I had taught some of the nurses, so was accorded the dignity of being addressed as Mrs Southern. (Quite important, this, when you’re wearing a hospital gown that doesn’t quite meet at the back.) A slightly older patient was ‘dear’, and an even older woman was ‘love’ but the full gamut of endearments – (‘love’ ‘darling’, ‘sweetheart’, ‘precious’) was reserved for the oldest and most infirm of us.

This made me realise that the status gained with maturity suddenly falls off a cliff when you become old and less able-bodied.

Few are aware of this, and when a personable new trainer at the gym called our class of 60 and 70 somethings ‘sweethearts’, nobody but me objected. Ignoring my hard Paddington stare, he moved on to ‘grannies’, amiably mocking our lack of physical prowess. There were some raised eyebrows, but as one victim said to me, ‘Well, I am a granny after all’.

‘Yes’, I said, ‘but not HIS’.

I had been considering retaliating by saying, ‘Hi, sweetheart’ when I next met him, but it is a taboo that I couldn’t bring myself to break. However, today there was a sudden change. He called us ‘Guys’, with only the occasional ‘girls’ and the briefest mention of ‘grannies’.

‘Guys’ will do. I know it’s male based and its unisex use is American, but it does seem to be the best on offer.

Some of you (probably male) may call this ‘political correctness gone mad’. I have only one thing to say to you.

‘That’s OK sweetheart.’