COMMENT: Parents should not feel guilty about the odd glass

ONE of my son’s first words was cheers.

We were sitting in a restaurant in St Malo (most of Jersey has probably eaten there at one point or another) opening a bottle of champagne to mark my father-in-law’s most recent ‘special birthday’.

And next minute my son, who had just turned one, was cheers-ing away with his sippy cup, which, for the avoidance of doubt, was full of water.

Fast-forward another year and he learnt how to order a beer for his dad at a swim-up bar on holiday.

He knows that daddy likes beer and mummy likes wine, and the other day he asked for a lesson in how a corkscrew works.

Not all of his milestones involve drink, I promise. But these are memories we look back on with huge fondness, and not a hint of shame.

Because we are grown adults who like a drink or two. And as parents we are not ashamed to do that in front of our son (hint for new parents, that cup holder on the buggy isn’t actually for coffee or your child’s bottle).

The ‘issue’, if you can even call it that, of parents drinking around kids of all ages has been in the national headlines this week.

The Institute of Alcohol Studies says that children who witness ‘low-level parental drinking’ – no more than the government guidelines of 14 units a week – can find the experience damaging.

Apparently they may be embarrassed or worried, and bedtime may be disrupted.

And, they add, being around heavier drinking can be even more anxiety-inducing.

This research, I am sure, is well meaning and does have some relevance in some cases.

But not all.

And it is also just further fuel with which to guilt-trip normal, hardworking parents, many of whom have been driven to drink by their little angels anyway.

In those early foggy months of motherhood there were many issues that cropped up in my sleep-deprived mind, with some even causing distressing dreams or anxiety. Some of them persist now 2½ years later, while others are gone but not forgotten, and replaced instead with some other kind of parental worry or guilt that I am told I am stuck with for life.

Would I fall asleep holding my child and squash him? What if he stopped breathing in the night? Is he getting enough nutrients? Sleep? Cuddles? Independence? And, my all-time favourite, am I sentencing him to a life of doom by going back to work?

Not one of my nightmares or bouts of anxiety was about alcohol, bar heeding the very important warnings about never having babies sleep in the bed when you have been drinking.

In fact, on the contrary, gin actually helped me through some of those episodes of anxiety and stress.

Because, until fairly recently, I didn’t even realise there was an ‘issue’ with parents drinking around their children.

Of course, I get that serious heavy drinking when in charge of a child is not on, and understand why there is a relevant law about being drunk when in charge of a minor – but as long as ‘drunk’ means properly intoxicated, and not just merry after a couple of glasses of well-deserved wine.

As with most things when you become a parent, it is all about choice and doing what is best for your own family in that particular moment in time.

This week my husband and I have been reading about nasal-flu vaccinations to decide whether we, as parents, want our son to have it or not.

In the past seven days we have also weighed up whether or not to bribe him to potty train with chocolate buttons, had a discussion about how to proceed as a united front when he laughs in our face after being told off, and discussed the pros and cons of school nurseries that are relevant to our situation.

Some parents choose not to drink around their children full stop, or will only drink certain types of alcohol in their company. And just like those who may think differently to us when it comes to vaccinations, sugar, nursery and school, that is absolutely fine, it’s their choice and the rest of us should not judge them for it.

But in our house we are open about our drinking, and will continue to be without any shame.

Because the last thing us parents need is anything else to worry or feel guilty about.

Cheers to that.