Loneliness is one of the largest health concerns facing modern society.
It is no respecter of age, location or social condition and it is deeply embedded in the irony that we have never been better connected in the world.
Jersey, for example, is a world leader in broadband speeds. All of us walk around with smart phones texting, messaging and talking and yet there is this fundamental disconnect. Two-fifths of all people over 65 say that the TV is their main company. Half a million people in the UK say that they see no one or speak to no one for six days a week. Lonely people are more likely to suffer from dementia, heart disease and depression.
No one should have no one and we should be disturbed that community has fragmented in this way.
So how does Christmas speak into all of this?
This is where presents come in. I’m sorry, I’ve spelt that incorrectly. This is where ‘presence’ comes in.
You could be fooled into thinking that Christmas is all about presents. Watch the TV and it is all about what you will give or get (which simply compounds the issue for those who are lonely and watching it!) but the reality is that we all know that Christmas is not about presents. It doesn’t matter how much we spend, how many things we own or accumulate; we all know, deep down, that ‘stuff’ isn’t what makes us contented, happy or fulfilled. Again, it doesn’t matter how much stuff we give to others, we know that all the gifts in the world won’t make a person love us more or make up for time we haven’t spent with them or help them to feel less lonely.
Three years ago, ten families were invited to perform an experiment. Children were asked to write a letter to Santa, giving a list of the presents that they wanted.
As you would expect, children asked for guitars, electronic games consoles, a piano and in one case, a unicorn! Then they were given another piece of paper and asked to write a letter to their parents, asking what they would like from them for Christmas. The answers were profound and moved some of the parents to tears: ‘I would like you to spend more time with me’; ‘we’d like it if you paid a little more attention to us’; ‘I’d like it if you had dinner with us more often’; ‘I’d like you to tell me a story’; ‘I’d like us to spend just one whole day together’… and so on. When asked if the parents were surprised by what their children had written, they all said no and admitted to trying to fill the vacuum with stuff. The children were then asked, which of the two letters they would like to send, and every child said ‘the letter to my parents’. If you want to watch the clip, look up ‘The Other Letter’ on the internet.
Love isn’t about presents: it is about presence. The gospel of Matthew is the only gospel that tells the Christmas story from Joseph’s perspective. There are no shepherds on the hills watching their flocks, no journey to Bethlehem for the census and no innkeeper. Instead Matthew says that Joseph is disturbed by the news that a baby is on the way. But an angel says: ‘Do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife. All this has taken place to fulfil what the Lord said: The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son and they will call him ‘‘Immanuel’, which means ‘‘God with us”.
God with us! Presence! The remarkable truth about Christmas is that it is about God showing his love for us, not in giving us lots of unnecessary things but coming to be with us as a human being, to spend time with us, eat meals with us, pay attention to us… even tell us stories. God so loved the world that he gave… himself, into the loneliness of humanity (with whom he spent most of his time) and showing us a new way to belong.
The best present you can give this Christmas is your presence. Spend some time working out to whom you might give it and please open your eyes to those who are lonely and make a difference by giving of yourself.
