It’s something that affects every part of Tracey Anfray’s life but many people have never heard of it…
Misophonia is a chronic condition that causes extreme emotional or physiological reactions to noises like chewing or breathing.
But it wasn’t until ten years ago that the now 42-year-old discovered it had a name – and now she wants to raise awareness of it to help others and highlight how much it can impact a person’s life.
In a previous office job, she explained, she found it difficult working with someone whose shoes were squeaking.
“When I said to him how much it was irritating me, he did it even more and he stood on the spot next to me, just to make the shoes squeak.” she said.
Tracey added that the majority of people do not understand that her responses to certain triggers are not simply down to being fussy and are something that she has no control over.
“Nobody in their right mind would choose to live like this, because it doesn’t just affect one area of your life – it affects everything,” she said.
Triggers will differ for person-to-person, but others she suffers from include people sniffing, eating and chewing, making sounds with crisp packets, clicking their fingers and slurping while drinking, especially with hot drinks.
Tracey explained those with it can also have adverse reactions to certain movements or visual things, for example repetitive speech, certain body movements like ticks and the sight of someone chewing.
“Chewing gum is one of my biggest things,” she said. “Once I had someone eating chewing gum next to me on a plane and I had to move seats… even with headphones on, I could see their mouth moving, and I could hear it.”
These aren’t things she simply dislikes, they cause extreme adverse reactions, that she described as akin to “nails on a chalkboard”, but “constant and all-encompassing” with much stronger intensity.
It can manifest emotionally, leaving her shaking with anxiety and even anticipating triggers leaves her “always on edge” in a fight-or-flight mode. They can also cause physical symptoms like headaches and migraines.
It can feel so intense, that it leaves her “shuddering” and feeling like her “ears are bleeding” – and when it leaves her feeling anger, it can feel like there’s a “rage boiling inside” of her, she explained.
While, she said “people can take it the wrong way” and think it’s a “personal jab at them” she explained that “it is the noise and nothing to do with the person” – although it can have an impact on her closest relationships such as with her partner.
For example, Tracey described how it makes it too difficult to have dinner with her partner.
“I struggle to eat next to my partner because when he’s eating, he hits his teeth with the cutlery,” she said.
And, it can cause issues when they try to relax. “He won’t think anything of it, but when the TV’s on, and he’s flicking through reels and TikToks with the sound on, I can’t cope with the two noises at the same time.”
It’s led her to decide not to have children, despite her otherwise wanting them.
“Kids are totally out of the question,” she said. “I would love to have kids – but I couldn’t bear the thought of them living with this.”
Despite trying lots of ways to cope with it, including counselling, hypnosis, acupressure, medication, yoga and exercise none have provided relief – “I’ve literally exhausted everything”, she said.
This means she’s resorted to a less healthy coping mechanism. “I stick my nails in my head or in the side of my stomach,” she said. “My ears also get so sore because I’m holding them so tight when I can’t bear to listen.”
Because of this, she’s found separating herself from other people to be the only coping strategy.
“I have found nothing helps apart from being on my own, away from everybody, and it’s just not a way to live,” she said.
The triggers she has around eating means she can’t go out to dinner with friends, further adding to her isolation. Previously, she’d drink to cope and try and push through it, she explained.
“I was using drink as a way to kind of block it out – and then I ended up with a drinking problem, so I stopped drinking.”
But then when she went to meetings for it, she described having to leave due to the sounds of members drinking from cups.
She described how having a name for the condition was initially a relief, because it meant others exist with similar experience, but the trouble is there is a lack of public and medical awareness.
When she went to her GP for example, she was told it was a “mental illness” when it is thought to be a “neurophysiological condition”, and once after opening up to an employer, they replied saying “oh you’re a bit weird, aren’t you?”.
In the past, she said it was more difficult to escape her triggers in an office with the same people each day, but added that in her new job, work is more varied throughout the day, making it easier to cope with her condition.
To help others who might suffer from the condition, she has recently set up a support group on Facebook – Misophonia Jersey Support Group.
