For many, writing is a pastime or private outlet, but for one local poet, it has been far more than that.
For 68-year-old Carol Gaudion, writing has been a lifeline – a thread running through a life marked by creativity, resilience and the challenges of living with bipolar disorder.
This year marks a huge milestone for Ms Gaudion, with the recent release of her debut poetry collection Birthday Dancing Stars.
She described her book as both the culmination of a lifelong-dream and a deeply personal record of her journey with mental illness.
Ms Guadion said: “60 years later I am still in awe of the process of poetry and the magic it produces.
“Writing has been one of the main threads that has held my life together.”
The Jersey-born writer shared that she first began writing poems at the age of seven.
“I was in my parents’ bedroom looking over the sea and sky of Ouaisné beach, and it came to me as if from nowhere,” she said.
That spark remained with her and she recalled feeling a certainty from a young age that she wanted to study at Oxford and become a poet.
Ms Guadion said: “At ten, I knew I wanted to go to Oxford with one of those irrational knowings that we sometimes have.
“At 13, I stood in the family bathroom looking at moonlight sparkling on the frosted glass of the window and said to myself ‘I want to go to Oxford, read English and be a poet’.
“I knew even then that poetry is hard work and can be a calling.”
Years later, after completing her studies at Jersey College for Girls, Ms Gaudion’s dreams became a reality after earning a scholarship to study at the prestigious university, completing a degree in English.
However, her hopes of making a successful career as a writer were not as easy as she had originally anticipated.
“My work was not well received. There was a lot of sexism and also I wrote about dark emotions.”
After returning to Jersey, at the age of 22, during what she described as a “desperate time” she was diagnosed in Jersey with manic depression – now known as bipolar disorder.
Ms Guadion explained: “I have struggled with this all through my adult life, often becoming seriously unwell.”
Up until four years ago, Ms Guadion was living independently but she decided to move into a care home, which she says has given her “the stability to work on this great love”.
She said: “Since then, I have been writing consistently, I have had the courage to share what I’ve been writing, and some people have said they like what I write.
“All the time the poetry has been bubbling under the surface like an underground stream, sometimes finding its way to the surface.
“This book is a record of a journey – from the why I left my last flat to coming to the home and my life here with its ups and downs, its landmarks and milestones, growth and change.”
The title Birthing Dancing Stars encapsulates the central theme of the collection – the act of creating something beautiful even in the face of adversity.
Ms Guadion said: “So many circumstances have conspired for me to birth this book. It’s taken a lot of faith from others in me and from me in myself; a lot of hard work; gaining new skills; new confidence with people; deepened friendships.”
She said: “I write to express myself, I write because it is hard work that I enjoy, I write because I find something interesting or beautiful or both; I write to bring out the light that I believe lies in the darkest of things, inside me and outside me; I write from grief and I write from joy; I write because I love doing so; I write because it is a large part of who I am.”
The poems contained within the collection offer a raw and honest portrayal of life with bipolar disorder, with moments of vulnerability, strength, and triumph.
As her debut book is now in stores and available to purchase, Ms Guadion hopes that others who are struggling will find solace in her words.
She said: “The older I get, and I’m now 68, the more I realise how important it is to share of oneself and listen to other people.
“May we all be heard, may we all learn to listen, may our true heart dreams come true.”
The book can be bought in store at the Harbour Gallery and K-Earth.
