The Islander says he was subjected to repeated beatings and mental abuse over several years and was left so traumatised he considered ‘jumping off a cliff’.
He claims that during the reign of abuse, she gave him ‘pocket money’ from his own salary, beat him if he spent more and tried to trick him into believing he was losing his mind, by hiding gardening tools and secretly changing his computer password.
He says that on several occasions she held a knife to his throat and during another attack seriously assaulted him after he took out money to buy her earrings for her birthday.
The woman was later sentenced in the Magistrate’s Court for assault after he finally plucked up the courage to make a formal complaint to the police.
Acting Detective Chief Inspector Mark Hafey said domestic abuse in general remains a largely under-reported crime but it is especially hidden when men are the victims.
‘Abuse against men can come in the form of physical, emotional, verbal or financial abuse. Abusers are good at making you feel isolated and alone but victims must remember they’re not.
‘The first step to stopping the abuse is to reach out, talk to a friend, family member, GP or someone else you trust or call an independent domestic violence adviser for advice.’
The victim is now urging men in abusive relationships not to suffer in silence and seek help before it is too late. He said: ‘Stop thinking you’re are a man and no-one will believe you. Don’t hesitate to seek help, talk to someone and admit there is a problem.
‘I considered harming myself. I was literally on the edge.’ Asked if he felt like a slave, he replied: ‘Yes. She controlled me and everything I did.’
The victim says it will take time for him to recover from his ordeal and called on the courts to treat male and female perpetrators of violence in the home equally – something he believes is not happening at the moment.
Now Mr X has called on men in the Island who may be suffering abuse from their partners to come forward and seek help before it is too late.
The number of reports of domestic abuse in Jersey made to the police have been as follows:
Male victims: 2012 – 99. 2013 – 96. 2014 – 122. 2015 (to date) – 43.
‘The police officer asked why I had not reported this before and my answer was that I am a man – and who would believe me?’
Since he reported it to the police and the case has been through court, Mr X praised the force for their support and said that they kept him informed every step of the way.
However, he was critical of the court, and said he believes that there is a disparity between the way male and female perpetrators of abuse are dealt with.
‘There is no equality,’ he said. ‘It is true that men are more reluctant to come forward, but when they do, the result should still come out the same, but that is not the way it is happening,’ he said.
Asked if he had a message to male victims of abuse in the Island , he said: ‘Stop thinking that you’re are a man therefore no one will believe you. Don’t hesitate to seek help. Talk to someone and admit there is a problem. Men must open up and talk about being abused.
MEN must seek help if they are victims of domestic abuse before the problem escalates, the head of refuge says.
David Vallois, the manager of Sanctuary House in St Aubin, said they fielded many calls from men who have been victims of violence at the hands of their partner, but that very few go to stay at the refuge.
He believes that men don’t come forward because they feel that admitting the problem will impact negatively on their masculinity.
Mr Vallois said: ‘Over the four years that Sanctuary Trust has been in operation, we have had men of all ages, social classes and personal circumstances live here for whom domestic abuse had been a problem. Often they will return to the situation and the cycle begins again.
‘DOMESTIC abuse is not about size, gender or strength, it is about control and power’, a States police detective has said as he urged men in abusive relationships to seek help.
Acting Detective Chief Inspector Mark Hafey said that the force had seen a 20 per cent increase in reports of domestic abuse, but that it was still a largely unreported crime. Many men,he added, will experience it in their lifetime.
The detective said that Islanders being abused must reach out, even if it is not to the police. ‘Domestic abuse is something that is under-reported by both genders,’ he said.
‘Despite successfully working with a number of men over the last two years to help them make significant changes to their lives, not all males are coming forward to report domestic abuse.
‘Abuse against men can come in the form of physical, emotional, verbal or financial abuse. Abusers are good at making you feel isolated and alone, but victims must remember that they’re not.
‘The first step to stopping the abuse is to reach out, talk to a friend, family member, GP or someone else you trust or call an Independent Domestic Violence Adviser for advice.’
Every month the police are involved in a Multi-Agency Risk Assessment Conference where safeguarding plans tailored to suit an individual’s needs are developed.
Chief Inspector Hafey added: ‘Jersey sends out a clear message that domestic abuse on any level will not be tolerated. For Jersey to effectively tackle domestic abuse, it will take a multi-agency commitment as we recognise it is important that agencies work together so that victims recognise that they do not have to tolerate it.’
To contact an Independent Domestic Violence Adviser, call 880505.
