Spare us from the petty actions of jobsworths!

It is a transformation akin to Dr Jekyll becoming Mr Hyde, and one which can be brought on by a variety of causes. The most common is when, having dialled a number, an anonymous, patronising and ever-so-nice voice begins purring instructions, such as a long list of numbers to press, followed by ‘hash’, to obtain whichever service the caller requires.

The process is long and tortuous, racking up a horrendous telephone bill in the process – all of which, the very annoying voice informs you, may be recorded for training purposes. What training may that be, perchance? Interrogating terrorist suspects in Guantanamo Bay?

The embarrassing problem is, as my impatience and blood pressure compete to break the threshold barrier, I find myself engaging in an irate and highly ironic one-way conversation with the voice. If my conversations are being used for training purposes, I hope the students learn a valuable lesson.

Can you also blame any right-minded individual from descending into the pits of exasperation by the petty actions of the small-minded jobsworths who have been put on this planet simply to annoy their fellow man? The worse culprits are the elf ‘n’ safety brigade, who have the ability to turn a perfectly harmless activity into a highly dangerous, if not life-threatening, experience, to be approached with extreme caution – clad in the appropriate reflective clothing, hard hats and steel-capped boots and accompanied by a posse of responsible adults all surrounded by a veritable forest of safety cones. And insured to the hilt.

Having succeeded in taking any pleasure out of life’s exciting tapestry, the killjoys are now turning their attention to the healthy and enjoyable outdoor pursuit of freely exercising a dog.

The thin edge of the wedge comes in Jersey Water employing security guards to patrol Val de la Mare to catch some unsuspecting pooch off its lead, going about its harmless business of communing with nature while closely observed by an attentive owner, ever-ready to scoop up any offending poop and to restrain their pet should circumstance demand.

Admittedly, irresponsible dog owners are getting the majority a bad name by allowing their pets to harry joggers and by not cleaning up after them, but why penalise the law-abiding ones by taking the pleasure out of allowing dogs to be free?

Rather than penalising every single dog owner in this Island, why not enforce the law, by which they are required to pick up their pet’s mess, by actually fining the offenders? A novel idea, but then laws are made to be observed, and if not, then policed.

INSTEAD, we have yet another ludicrous example of Island legislation not being enforced because the authorities have simply never bothered, or have given up. If such a laissez faire attitude were applied across the board, the Island would descend into anarchy!

The example of not prosecuting anyone for smoking in work vehicles since it was made illegal – when it is happening day in, day out for all to see – is a case in point, as is the Island’s half-hearted approach to policing speeding.

Hang on a mo, I hear my critics cry, didn’t she start by banging on about petty bureaucracy, and now she’s advocating the very same thing? What I object to is the right hand of government strangling itself – and us all – in red tape while the left hand doesn’t give a damn and lets everyone suffer because it can’t be bothered to rap the knuckles of transgressors. Why implement a blanket restriction on every single dog owner as if we are all irresponsible law-breakers when it is the selfish minority who should be penalised?

Moreover, I see no sense in passing a law if it is not going to be policed, because all that does is allow those who should be made to see the errors of their ways to put two fingers up to decent law-abiding Islanders and, in this case, their dogs.

The excuse from the parish of St Saviour for not imposing any fines ever for dog fouling was given in the States as being a lack of evidence. As the problem of dog mess is an Islandwide problem of some magnitude, can we not assume that there are shovels loads of evidence to bring at least one neglectful owner to book?

If a law is seen to be policed, then people will abide by it without any need for draconian measures to take the simple pleasures out of life.

An example of the common sense approach to a potential risk of everyday life came in the tempered warning issued by Child Accident Prevention Jersey. Concerned about the number of children being treated by Accident and Emergency, they quite sensibly reminded parents not to leave young children unsupervised with a dog – even when it is a trusted family pet. Sound advice indeed, and delivered in a manner unlikely to induce panic or to result in the Animal Shelter being overwhelmed with unwanted and perfectly docile dogs.

Thousands of Island children play with dogs day in, day out with no mishaps, so the last thing we should do is create a situation in which they live in fear of man’s best friend.

The crime would be in depriving a child of the very special relationship that has existed between man and dog for millennia.