FOR most people, the end of a relationship can be acutely painful. Many who find themselves at a loss after splitting up just don’t know where to turn.
But now a new club has opened locally with the aim of helping single people who have just divorced or split with a partner to get back out there and socialise.
Based on the UK’s Phoenix NCDS (National Council for the Divorced and Separated), the new branch held its first meeting last week at the Town House (the old Tipsy Toad). It was organised by Ann East, who saw a need in the Island.
While she was living in the UK, Ann had found that she was alone after the end of a long marriage and felt that she didn’t really know how to start again. Then she heard about the Phoenix group. She went along to one of their get-togethers and never looked back.
When she moved to Jersey two years ago, she missed her outings so much that she decided to set up a group here.
‘My marriage broke up in the UK after 20 years.
At that time the youngsters were at an independent age and my friends were still married,’ said Ann. ‘I wouldn’t go into pubs alone or anything like that, but there were three branches of the club in my area and in the end I used to go to them all — and on my own. It gave me a lot of confidence. I even booked my first singles holiday!’
The local branch will be run along similar lines to the UK group. ‘It’s not a dating agency or a singles club,’ explained Ann. ‘It’s to give people the support of others who have been through it themselves.’
Ann was at pains to point out that the club was strictly for those people who had come out of long-term relationships and those who found it much harder to get out — including carers.
‘It’s not for single people looking for a partner or for married people looking for a bit of fun,’ she said.
The aim of the club is to restore the confidence of people who find themselves alone by giving them a chance to meet others in a similar situation. People may not be interested in finding a new romantic relationship, but they may want to make new friends.
The idea of opening the club in Jersey was all Ann’s. ‘I’d been here for two years and just felt that there was a need for it,’ she said.
‘I have friends who are single and married, and they can go to places like restaurants — but that can be expensive. And for younger people there are lots of places they can go to socialise. For people who are their own, there are clubs, but not everyone can afford to go out.’
Ann continued: ‘The club is aimed at any age. I’ve got a couple of friends who are in their early thirties who are separated, and one or two in their sixties, and they are all in the same boat — they’re either going through it, or they’ve been through it.
‘It’s also for carers who may be looking after elderly parents, or are now on their own and don’t know where to turn. It’s open doors for everyone, really.’
For the first few weeks of the club, the plan is that the meetings will be informal get-togethers.
After that, people will need to prove that they are in the circumstances they say they are. This may sound severe, but it’s to protect the members. It ensures that unscrupulous married people out for an illicit relationship don’t sneak in. Proof of your relationship status will be required, such as a divorce certificate, or other documents that could prove your single status.
Having said that, it has been known for cupid to pay a visit at the meetings. ‘Although it’s not a singles group, if you meet someone and love blossoms then all well and good — it has happened,’ said Ann. She added, though, that if people came for romance, they were coming for the wrong reasons.
Couples who meet at the club, or those who form relationships outside it, are still welcome at any club events, and some of those events take place in the UK. Ann explained: ‘We have national discos in the UK three times a year, and members can have all sorts of perks like booking hotels at cheap rates.’
And the UK’s Phoenix NCDS is very happy to have a Jersey branch. ‘When I decided I wanted to open a club here I got in touch with NCDS. They were very pleased that they were invited, and they see it as quite prestigious to have a club in Jersey. For their members who go on holiday it’s nice to go somewhere that has a club — and Jersey is a lovely holiday destination. But even though it’s the Jersey branch, it’s still a UK association,’ said Ann.
The NCDS is a charity and purely self-supporting, and there is a small charge each week for members. The funds raised go to the charity. These are sometimes used to support members who need help — for example financially — and members are invited to apply for help if they need it.
Meanwhile, Ann is hoping that the new club will soon be as successful as the UK branches.
‘It might be a bit slow at first, but people will get to know us. If we get enough support, we’ll also organise some Saturday dances, and maybe in the future clubs from UK will start to visit us.
‘Entertainment-wise, we’ve got a guy who is doing the disco for us, and there’ll be raffles — that kind of thing. And we’re not out to make money — the idea is to make it a fun evening where people can have a bit of a laugh, joke, dance and meet new people.’
The club meets every Wednesday at the Town House pub at 8.30 pm. For more general information on Phoenix visit the UK website at www.ncds.org.uk.
The plan is that eventually each branch will have its own website, but, for now, visit ncdsjersey@yahoo.co.uk. Or for any more information on the local club call Ann on 07700 352 619.
• Picture: The first meeting of Phoenix in Jersey. From left: Ann East, organiser, Claire Revell, assistant organiser, Joyce Taylor, Mike Lodge, national development officer, and Harry Taylor, national vice-chairman
