But in June the couple, who are both in their early forties, were finally able to hold their baby girl, Elara, for the first time.
Elara was born by a surrogate mum after years of IVF treatment and spending tens of thousands of pounds.
Now Max, who works for the States of Jersey, says ‘every day feels like Christmas’ whenever he looks at his baby girl.
Rewind to 2007 and the couple had just got married. On returning to Jersey from their honeymoon Jackie discovered she was pregnant. But after 23 weeks they lost their little baby boy, Dylan, when Jackie had a miscarriage.
On the day of Dylan’s funeral, Jackie, who now works for UBS, had a haemorrhage and was rushed to hospital with doctors deciding that a D&C (Dilation and Curettage) was required. It was then the couple’s long battle to become parents began. Shortly after losing Dylan, Jackie also lost her own father to cancer.
‘When I fell pregnant my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and was given one year to live,’ Jackie said.
‘I thought at least he was going to be able to be a granddad before he died but that never happened. My dad was on his death bed and I was grieving for my son. No words can describe this pain.’
Jackie also lost her mum in March of this year just months before she was due to become a grandmother to Elara.
After missing her period for several months which was initially diagnosed due to stress, Jackie was eventually diagnosed with Ashermans which is scarring of the uterus which can be caused by an over aggressive D&C.
‘I was damaged beyond repair so I was unable to carry any more children,’ she said.
Her Gynaecologist referred her to a leading Hysteroscopic surgeon on Harley Street but after two operations he told Jackie that she needed to look at adoption.
‘I couldn’t accept this so I started to do a lot of research for options. We went to LA to see a leading Ashermans surgeon who, after two successful operations gave us some hope but sadly the damage was too severe.’
‘In 2010 we decided to look into surrogacy and it was a minefield. I was reading a lot of daunting material but we both desperately wanted to be parents.’
Since starting the journey the couple have had 14 IVF cycles to create embryos and the couple have travelled to Cyprus, India, London and Athens to explore options.
The couple met their first surrogate in 2010 through an agency which had a £5,000 joining fee. The transfer was successful and the surrogate fell pregnant but at nine weeks she miscarried.
After meeting two other surrogates and enduring several failed attempts, Jackie and Max met Becci in 2016, who agreed to be their surrogate. The embryos were created in Athens which Jackie explains is why their little girl is called Elara – because the name derives from Greek mythology.
Jackie said: ‘We met Becci on a Surrogacy FaceBook Page and then we moved on to Skype and chatted more. It was a match and we got on really well with her. We wrote an agreement between us all which covered things like birth arrangements, costs and how to manage any complications with the pregnancy. It was not legally binding but a way of talking through expectations from both surrogate and intended parents.’
Due to existing UK surrogacy law, Elara’s birth certificate names Becci and her husband as her parents, however Jackie and Max are currently going through the Parental Order process. This will require them to go to a family court in London to complete the process and have the names changed on the certificate to become her legal parents.
Jackie said: ‘It was a incredibly bumpy ride. We have both learnt a lot throughout the journey and hope we can help others through our experiences. We are happy to be contacted.”
‘I look at Elara every day and I just can’t believe she is mine.’
Max adds: ‘It has been incredibly difficult both physically and emotionally for Jackie. We had to fight our own battles and push our way through but now we have our beautiful baby girl.’
- A Facebook page has recently been created to support those in Jersey going through a surrogacy journey or anyone interested in doing so. It is for both intended parents and surrogates. If you would like to join the group, please contact Jackie Delph or Karina Ward.
