By Joanne Reid Rodrigues
THIS week, I’ve been asking people if they’re giving up anything for Lent. I’m pleasantly surprised by how many folks get involved. The most popular things that people give up for 40 days are chocolate, alcohol and bread.
Self-discipline is a powerful tool for personal transformation. And whether we’re inspired by Lent or not, we can engage in gentle self-discipline exercises at any time throughout the year.
In my youth, I was a chocoholic. For years, I ate large quantities of chocolate every day. I craved the sweetness; but I was overweight and distressed about my seeming inability to control my junk food intake.
Breaking bad habits was very hard. But it’s possible. And while with eating disorders and many other self-defeating habits, these conditions are predominantly psychological, they’re also physical. Those of us who have craved sugar or junk foods know the painful pull of the habit.
In my case, I’d feel a craving for the chocolate. I’d battle to resist, and lose. I’d eat the chocolate. And then I’d feel so annoyed with myself for eating it and my mood would plummet, and I’d eat more. It was a vicious cycle, typical of self-defeating behaviours.
In my thirties, I became interested in martial arts and I began shifting my understanding of self-discipline. Until this point, I’d viewed discipline as something I’d find restricting. But I came to realise that self-discipline was actually my key to freedom. We all think we’re free spirits. We don’t want to be tied down. Yet while we can run to the beach, or the jungle for that matter, if our self-defeating habits go with us we never have the real freedom we seek.
On the other hand, when we free ourselves of bad habits, we are free wherever we are.
Also in my thirties, I discovered the results of a study that had been carried out at the University of California, Berkeley. This particular study worked with many people who were trying to improve their health by quitting smoking or drinking; or gambling and overeating. All sorts of people and habits were included in the study. One finding was that, after 36 consecutive days of abstinence, people experienced a noticeable shift.
After 36 days, they reported their cravings had reduced. There was no particular reason why day 36 was the marker for change; but the pattern was clear.
I decided to do my own self-discipline exercise for 36 days. My first wasn’t to give up anything, but to introduce daily exercise. It was incredibly challenging, owing to family circumstances at the time. But I did it. And at the end of my 36 days, daily exercise was my new normal. It felt great. Such a personal achievement.
I decided on another 36-day exercise. This time, no chocolate or any processed sugar. Ambitious for me, but strengthened by the first success, I knew I could do it. And I did.
As I was reaching my 40th birthday, I told no one – not even my husband, Zak – but I made the decision to give up chocolate for a year. I did it. As I approached my 41st birthday, it seemed to me that, along the way, my body had given up the craving for chocolate. So, I thought I’d carry on till I felt I really wanted to eat chocolate. The occasion came more than 18 years later. I’d visited a dear elderly friend in his eighties. He’d only seen family during lockdown and he was excited about my visit. He bought some chocolate truffles especially for me. I smiled at the twinkle in his eye. We tucked into our chocolates, and I enjoyed them.
The funny thing is, though – I’ve gone right back to not eating chocolate. I’d broken that habit. An occasional chocolate or glass of wine is enjoyable. But a habit with consequences can certainly cause us problems.
In my life, I’ve redefined my definition of self-discipline. Today I know that self-discipline is the fastest way to achieve many goals, including health issues, study and writing books, to name a few.
Here’s why self-discipline exercises are such a powerful transformational tool: the inner mind, also called the subconscious mind, is a receiver of information, like a huge filing drawer. The inner mind doesn’t make decisions, and it’s not the moral compass. The inner mind simply stores information, which prompts our behaviour patterns.
The conscious mind, on the other hand, is the decision-making mind and it does have a moral compass. The conflict between the conscious mind and the inner mind is what causes many folks to feel confusion and turmoil. For example, we might want to shift a few pounds or lower our cholesterol. The conscious mind, which knows right from wrong, knows that healthy eating is the way to achieve these goals, and so we decide to change our ways.
The inner mind, however, has stored the pattern of eating fatty and sugary foods, which prompts our behaviour. And so, people can feel they’re being pulled by two conflicting forces – the desire to change and the desire to repeat the old pattern. The subconscious mind is the dominant force. The pull to repeat deeply entrenched patterns is strong. But knowing this, we can at least understand what’s going on – it’s not just that we’re weak.
If we grit our teeth and move through these initial few weeks, we do begin releasing old patterns. And new patterns become the new normal. We can break the habits of a lifetime. And we can even astonish ourselves.
Self-discipline is best practised in gentle ways. Nothing too hard or heavy – for the latter can take the joy from life, and that’s more harmful than helpful. But the consequences of self-defeating habits can also take the joy from life. So, balance is the healthy path.
Gentle self-discipline helps us create order in our lives.
Self-control, self-respect, self-trust, freedom from bad habits, and authentic self-confidence are inner riches. And all these are the fruits of self-discipline.
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Joanne Reid Rodrigues is the founder of Slimming Together and the creator of The Authentic Confidence Course. She is an author and therapist in nutrition and cognitive behavioural therapy. Joanne can be contacted at JoanneRR.com.
