HAPPY divorces are not prevalent, but they are possible. Even where both parties accept that their relationship is at an end, the divorce process can cause animosity between couples.
If you have concluded that your marriage is at an end, and want to minimise the stress and expense of a divorce, what should you do and, equally importantly, what should you not do?
Firstly, you should focus on the big picture. Consider what you really want and what is important and pick your battles. If you cannot resolve an issue, know that the court will eventually have to, possibly after an expensive legal battle, and the judge may not give you what you want. Focusing on winning or being validated or being right is an expensive approach and ultimately it is out of your control. Focus on what you can control.
Utilise your communication skills. This can be hard at this stage in your relationship, but finding a way to keep talking and listening is key. Money can be the most challenging subject to raise but having an honest discussion with your partner about assets will avoid surprises that could unsettle everything else.
You could choose collaborative law. This is a process in which both parties instruct separate qualified collaborative lawyers who attend joint meetings with you both to agree outcomes together. It is solution-based and helps couples to negotiate their future in their own way, avoiding court processes and timetables. For more information see corbettlequesne.com/collaborative-law.
If you prefer the traditional route, then instructing the right lawyer is key. A lawyer who isn’t willing to challenge a client with unrealistic expectations is likely to make a situation more financially and emotionally costly.
If there are children involved, consider what is best for them, not only in terms of their financial needs, but what they need from you both emotionally. Divorce does not have to have a negative impact on children if dealt with in the right way.
Prepare yourself for the legal process. No matter how well you manage your divorce with your partner sometimes reading a letter from ‘the other side’ can cause a stress reaction that can inflame a situation.
If you start on the right track with the best intentions and things go wrong, try to work out exactly what the issue is. Is it emotional or financial? Does it relate to your past or your future? Does it give you a feeling of fairness? Is it worth fighting over? Is there another solution that may compensate for this issue? Finally consider the cost of arguing about it through lawyers and how a judge might resolve the issue if you end up in court. Try to focus on the bigger picture and do not get bogged down in details that may be unimportant in the long term.
If you want relationship counselling Relate is currently offering online appointments, which can be arranged by calling 734980 or e-mailing relateappointments@gmail.com.
If you have concluded that you are not meant to stay together and want a divorce, the courts are still operating, and couples are still divorcing mid Covid-19.
Corbett Le Quesne specialises in family law. Advocate Barbara Corbett, senior partner at Corbett Le Quesne, is a qualified mediator and family arbitrator and both Barbara and partner Nicholas Le Quesne are qualified collaborative lawyers.
For further advice, see corbettlequesne.com, e-mail enquiries@corbettlequesne.com or call 733030.
