Petra Velzeboer, keynote speaker at the Jersey Business annual conference, told the audience how her experience of life in the Child of God cult, and her subsequent move to London, influenced her health and views on workplace culture.
“THIS is my family,” says Petra Velzeboer, pointing to a photo showing her, her parents and her siblings, all with broad smiles on their faces. “Although I’m Dutch, I grew up in India, Brazil and Kenya, travelling around the world, as part of a hippy commune with a great culture.”
“This is also my family,” says Petra, pointing to a photo of her with her daughter taken some years later after she had left the commune and moved to London. Again, both people are pictured with huge smiles on their faces and yet, as Petra explains, that photo was taken when she had hit “rock bottom” and was frequently having suicidal thoughts.
“At that point, I had escaped the notorious religious cult into which I had been born and was living with my partner and our two children in London,” she reflected. “Many people might think that’s when I should have been happiest, having left a toxic environment, and yet that was when the trauma began to show.”
Presenting those two different interpretations of her childhood, Petra, who was the keynote speaker at Jersey Business’s annual conference, titled The Next Chapter Of Your Business and sponsored by Prosperity 24/7, referenced her upbringing as a way to highlight the significance of culture.
In a speech entitled Culture: Your Competitive Advantage, she candidly reflected on her early life experiences and the impact those had had on her health and outlook.
“Depending on what story I want to tell, I can present a picture of a fun hippy commune or a really toxic environment,” she said. “The reality is that I was born into one of the most notorious religious cults on the planet [the Children of God cult] but when you are born into an environment, that is all you know.
“And so many things were fun and would, in many ways, look healthy. We had a shared mission, a clarity of vision and everyone had clear roles and played their part to enhance the collective, all of which translates into the world of work.
“But the dark side of that culture was group think. Peace and synergy were very much valued over questioning things, something which also often plays out in the workplace, where people choose to stay quiet rather than to question whatever the loudest, or most senior, person in the room says.”
Reflecting on her own “escape” from the cult, Petra says that, in many ways, her greatest struggle began when she emerged into the wider world.
“When I talk to people about my journey, they imagine an escape along the lines of that seen in The Shawshank Redemption,” she smiled, “but it wasn’t like that. There were no physical walls to jump over or tunnel under. Instead, the walls are in your head, as the propaganda you have been fed tells you that if you do something different and it goes wrong, it will be your fault.
“Although I was living in a toxic environment, while I was in it, I was functional and, to an extent, fine. It was once I left and the clarity of mission and the values we had been taught disappeared that I struggled to develop a world view and understand how to move forward.”
Although seven months pregnant when she arrived in London, Petra found herself wondering what “her purpose” was.
“That’s when the depression, addiction battles and suicidal thoughts began,” she said. “I felt completely isolated, trying to figure out what the point was and what my purpose was.”
Far from telling this story to gain pity, though, Petra uses her experience to champion the importance of culture, trust and wellbeing, all of which she says “align with the productivity piece”.
“So often, we think that productivity is about doing more or doing better but to be truly productive, we need to think beyond our work persona,” she said. “What are we doing after work? Do we effectively resource ourselves, so that we fill up and come back to be productive, or do we flit from screen to screen and drain ourselves further?”
Asking attendees what they did to “invest in themselves”, Petra added that most people “knew what they needed to do to recharge” but that those things were usually the first habits to stop when people were in a “stressful situation”.
Such stress, she added, could take many forms, from concerns over the global economic crisis to circumstances somewhat closer to home, such as divorce, childcare or the health of a family member.
“What I learnt when I started to tell my story was that everyone has a story you know nothing about, however well you think you know that person,” she said. “There is always something going on under the surface and sometimes it is when people are struggling most that they wear the biggest smiles because they don’t want people to ask how they are.”
Bringing that back to a work scenario, Petra said: “As I overcame my addictions and realised that the world wasn’t going to end, I also realised that changing my mindset from that of a victim to that of someone who was empowered was within my control.
“And that is a powerful lesson. When we think about everything that is going on in the world, or even within our own businesses, we often focus on the big stuff – our strategy – but although we need that ‘north star’ to guide us, change and behaviour can only happen during the day.”
One of the key factors driving, or holding back, that change, she says, is culture.
“There are many definitions of culture but I like the view that culture is a shared environment, a set of values, beliefs, behaviours and attitudes that define an organisation’s personality,” she said. “That applies to both formal policies and structures and the informal side, the way in which we act. Is there a connection or a disconnect between what we say and what we do?”
One way in which Petra says businesses can foster a positive culture is by adopting a practice often associated with “self-help”.
“When I went to addiction recovery groups, we were asked to write down three things for which we were grateful, something which felt impossible at the time,” she explained. “But now, in my team, we start each day by reflecting on one thing for which we are grateful and that switches our neural pathways, so that we think about what is possible and how we can move forward.”
Something which Petra warns leaders to watch out for is one of the phenomena which defined her childhood.
“Group think can happen even in healthy organisations,” she said, “and you may not even realise it is happening. But if you are making as a decision as a team, observe the pattern that naturally occurs when you get together. As soon as you name the issue, the same three people will weigh in first, while certain people will never speak.
“Moves are consequently shut down or adopted by three key voices. I therefore suggest that before discussing a matter, everyone writes down their opinion, or the key things they think need to be raised, and the meeting then proceeds from there. This allows everyone, regardless of their generation or view point, to be heard.”
Another technique she says can transform a meeting is “taking a minute to ground ourselves”.
“We spend so much of our time in fight or flight mode, which means that we are not always fully concentrating on what is going on,” she pointed out. “However, it takes a brave leader to start a meeting by asking people to ignore the agenda for a moment, take a couple of breaths, put their phones to one side and then be truly present.
“When you think about it, though, something so simple is a great way of integrating concepts about wellbeing and performance into the working day. Just taking three deep breaths reduces a person’s cortisol and allows them to be fully there.”
This, she says, strikes at something deeper within many offices.
“We often think a healthy culture is one where staff have access to a helpline, some webinars and perhaps the odd yoga class,” she said. “The reality, though, is that a healthy culture is about bravery, conversations and psychological safety, and you only create that by leading by example.
“That doesn’t mean being so nice and accommodating that you burn yourself out. It’s not all ‘kumbayah and firepits’. It’s having clarity and recognising that, as a leader, you may not be at your best all your time. Leadership isn’t about being perfect all the time; it’s about being yourself, calling it out when you’re not at your peak and investing in yourself, so that you join those dots between wellbeing and performance.”
Stressing that this provides the base on which a strong team can be built, Petra added:
“Strong relationships are the foundation of high-performing teams, and relationships start with trust. This isn’t about knowing the names of your team’s children and what they did at the weekend but about providing that psychological safety, dependability, clear role, team purpose and impact, and also recognising when they might not be performing at their best.
“In this respect, I always compare team members to athletes. The Olympics takes place every four years and the world championships every two. That is because athletes cannot perform 100% all the time. They need that recovery time.
“If you have a strong workplace team, where trust and relationships underpin your culture, you will see that ebb and flow among your people and be able to back each other up.”
Wrapping up her presentation, Petra reflected on the continuous nature of culture.
“This is not about having one great meeting and thinking you’ve ticked the box,” she warned. “Culture is a moving organism, which you have to revisit constantly and, as leader, you also have to be able to take feedback from, and listen to, your team. Ultimately, culture is proven through the tough times. You can build when everything is peaceful and easy but the test comes when the s**t hits the fan. Then how do you show up? That is critical because trust takes time to build but can be eroded very quickly.”
