- Weekly Parenting column
- As this generation of teenagers faces pressures like none experienced before, we investigate the rise in self-harm behaviour
- Parish playgroup of the week – spotlight on NCT Jerseys Saturday Playgroup
- Competition: Win Sunday lunch at the Waterfront Hotel
WHAT is it like being a teenager today?
The teenage years are a time when lives change fast, with new relationships, fluctuating friendships, pressures at school and trouble at home.
Smartphones, social networks and blogging have revolutionised the teenage experience.
But how does the world of social media impact on their wellbeing and is it spreading self-harm behaviour among teens?
Inform your GP about any self-harming behaviours in your child.
- A GP will decide what, if any, further steps need to be taken, for example, onward referral to the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service.
- Inform your childs school so that they can monitor any worrying behaviours and keep you informed.
- Teenagers of school-going age have access to a School Counselling Service and most colleges and universities will also provide a counselling service.
- The Youth Enquiry Service provides free one-to-one counselling for 1425 year olds. (www.yes.je).
- Some private practitioners also specialise in working with young people and their families.
- There is plenty of online advice available from charities such as the NSPCC and selfharmUK, among others.
- You can find how you can support a childs emotional health, as well as a list of organisations that can help parents, guardians or carers, here
The internet is a wonderful way to connect with others, be creative and learn new things.
But the online world can have its downsides that can affect the emotional wellbeing of teenagers.
There appears to be a disturbing trend of troubled teenagers and younger children self-harming in front of others online.
The States police confirmed to the JEP that they have investigated three cases of teenagers posting what are being dubbed ‘self-harm selfies’.
It comes as new figures released to the JEP show that in 2013 an alarming number of teenagers aged between 13 and 19 were treated in hospital for self-harming, which was a shocking rise of over 50%.
Cliodhna Smith, a Founder of Therapy Jersey, said that these figures gave concern.
‘My sense from speaking with colleagues locally is that self-harming behaviour is on the rise in Jersey, as it is in many developed countries,’ said Mrs Smith, who believes that social media and cyber bullying can be a trigger for this behaviour.
‘For most teenagers, a sense of belonging and fitting in is of huge importance.
Social media can support this need in many ways, especially for those who might otherwise struggle to make connections with other people.
Ironically, though, social media also has the power to isolate individuals and divide groups of people, by various means. Social isolation can be a trigger for self-harming.’
Another trigger for self-harming is cyber-bullying, she says, which takes many forms, from ridiculing someone’s appearance to death threats.
This can lead victims to self-harm as a way of coping with the onslaught of insults and threats, added Mrs Smith.
‘For victims of cyber-bullying, it’s an incredibly painful realisation, not just that people can be so cruel but that some of those people they counted as ‘friends’ were anything but. This can lead to feelings of low self-worth and can lead to self-harming.’
The mental wellbeing of the Island’s youth was recently revealed in a report published by the Health Department, which focused on a number of topics from smoking to exercise.
Figures show that in the last 12 years there has been a sharp decline among 14 to 15-year-olds assessed as having medium-high self-esteem.
Mrs Smith advised parents to look out for tell-tale signs if they are worried their child is self-harming.
Mind Jersey states that self-harming can include cutting, burning, over-eating/under-eating, poisoning, hitting self or walls, inserting objects into your body, overdosing, exercising excessively, scratching and hair-pulling.
‘Look for some of the typical physical signs; bruises, cuts, burns, bald patches on head, keeping their bodies covered even in hot weather,’ said Mrs Smith.
‘Emotional signs could include low moods, lack of motivation, sudden weight loss/gain, disappearing soon after meals, drinking/drug-taking – if these are present in conjunction with some of the physical signs, you may have cause for concern.’
And she urges parents not to panic if they do discover their child is self-harming.
‘Self-harm can be a means to express pain when a person knows no other way of doing so and as a parent, there is a good chance that you can play a part in helping them to find another way – talk to them.
‘You could suggest that they write something down if they are unable to say it out loud – this can really work.
Just be reminded that if you keep communicating, in an honest way and keep them informed as to any steps you take, your child is more likely to trust you and open up about their feeling eventually.
It also shows that you are taking them seriously. Trust works both ways and you will need to look to finding a balance between monitoring any worrying behaviours and respecting your child’s privacy.’
Assistant Health Minister Deputy Peter McLinton, who is also a cognitive hypnotherapist, said that teenagers today do face pressures like no generation before.
‘Teenagers today are living in a world where for them living with social media whatever the time of day is the norm.
‘If they choose to be, they can be bombarded with images which they may feel they cannot live up to and this can make them feel very pressured to look or act a certain way. They might feel isolated or alone.
‘It is important that young people and their parents are aware that there is help available to them if self-harm is an issue. There is support available in local schools from counsellors, from the YES Project, at CAMHS, if appropriate, and online.
‘I’d urge any parent or young person who is concerned about this issue to seek support and not be afraid or embarrassed to do so. Getting help is a sign of a strong person, not a weak one.’
THERE are so many popular Parent and Toddler playgroups here in Jersey – many of them run by hard-working volunteers and busy parents.
If you would like your parish playgroup featured in the JEP please email parenting@jerseyeveningpost.com with the following details: name of the volunteer(s) who runs the group, where, when, time, what activities there are at the playgroup for the children and a contact number.
This week we are featuring NCT Jersey’s Saturday Playgroup.
Volunteers: Kayleigh Dunning and Liz Gosselin
Where: St Andrew’s Church Hall
When: Every other Saturday. The next groups are Saturday 25 April and ongoing from there.
Time: 1.30–3.30pm.
Activities: Toys, messy play and crafts each week. Nappy hire service, a sling hire service and a library of parenting books that can be borrowed.
Contact number: 07797 777853 (Kayleigh) or 07707 715692 (Liz) jersey@nct.org.uk.
Facebook Debate
THE issue of taking children out of class for term-time holidays has been in the news recently. Should parents be allowed to take children on holiday during school?
We asked parents on JEP Parenting on Facebook what they had to say and the majority who responded said ‘yes’.
‘Seven years ago I took my two La Moye School children to Thailand during Easter holidays with approved two days at the start to miss school. On our return I was told to report to the school office where I was told we had missed two days on the start of term return to school (we must have written the term dates down wrong). When I apologised I was told ‘well we will tell the Education Dept and it will be up to them if they report you and get social services involved’! Now spring forward 12 months we are on holiday once again in Thailand and the Icelandic volcano happens and we get stuck out there for an extra three and a half weeks. Despite phoning the school every week asking for school work to be emailed out for me to get the kids to do and they never sent any. Should I have reported them to social services?
Michael Bienvenu
‘We took our five children away travelling through America for a month through half term and 13 days out of school time and the experiences they achieved while we were away were invaluable. We met some lovely people and also a teacher and her words stuck with us. She told us that her pupils’ parents would come to her for homework or holiday work as she called it and her reply would always be the same. “As a parent do you take your work away with you? No? Then why ask your child too?” Children need real life experiences as well as education and as a parent, this one off trip we had has given them so much knowledge, fun and a desire to travel and interact with other people no matter of their colour or creed, religious beliefs or how much money they may or may not have and that is something schools can’t teach.’
Sam Channing
‘We have five children – we could never afford to take them in the school holidays – the difference in cost is unbelievable.’
Julie Pirouet
‘It’s a case of supply and demand for the holiday companies and who can blame them? What can Jersey do to help solve the problem? Change the dates of holidays so that they don’t clash with the UK (particularly the half term breaks). That way, holidays would be much cheaper.
Shelley du Feu
‘Yes! Unless it will affect important exams. Learning can be done anywhere, not just in school. Travelling and life experiences are just as important.’
?Philippa MaCon??
HAVE YOUR SAY ON www.facebook.com/JerseyParentingPage.
Full-time jobs
PARENTS have been saying it for years and now a new survey has shown just how demanding being a full-time stay-at-home mum or dad actually is. If paid, the role, which demands a 112-hour week, no holidays and a need to be on call 24/7, would command an annual salary of £172,000 – which is more than most senior civil servants’ salaries in the Island, more than the Chief Minister and even £30,000 more than the UK Prime Minister’s take-home pay. The study, by Interflora, showed that the average stay-at-home parent works 16-hour days from 7 am to 11 pm, and that the range of skills required for the role includes chef, cleaner, chauffeur, counsellor and personal shopper.
Babies put at risk
NEWBORN babies are being put at risk by the diets of their mothers during pregnancy, a report in the UK has found. In the last decade, the number of clinically obese women giving birth has increased 60-fold to nearly 50,000. Being obese during pregnancy raises the likelihood that the babies will be born obese, leading to potential health problems in later life. Being obese, according to the Health and Social Care Information Centre in the UK, also increases the mother’s chances of suffering a miscarriage or babies dying shortly after birth.
Fun with Mum
THERE was a time when it would have been embarrassing to be seen in public with your mother, but a new survey has revealed that girls are choosing their own mums over friends for good company. According to research by the UK Post Office card service Gift4all, the new phenomenon of girls and their mums enjoying time together is taking over Friday and Saturday nights out. One in four women said they went clubbing with their mothers, more than a third invited them to social events with friends and one in three went to concerts. Experts put the trend down to the closing generation gap and mothers and daughters, being more in tune with issues such as education, work, marriage and sex.
Online privacy
IT appears that it is not only parents taking steps to safeguard their privacy online – teenagers are at it too. Youngsters are tired of sharing every detail of their lives online and are doing more and more to keep true details about their lives away from social media. Instead, the Market Research Society found, teens are adopting parallel identities, going through their account histories and un-tagging themselves and even posting deliberately vague statements to tease real friends into asking for more details. The research pointed to the trend now seen on Snapchat, which deletes pictures after a short period, as young adults grow increasingly concerned by not only what their parents might see but also strangers.
Mum’s the Word
IT is worrying to see so many young people in Jersey being treated in hospital for self-harming, but it is also worrying that the exact figure is not known.
There could be a ‘hidden population’ of teenagers and younger children every year who engage in deliberate self-harm but are not necessarily showing up in official statistics.
The Health Department has released what they call a ’rounded figure’ on the number of teenagers who self-harm but admit that it is difficult to get exact figures because of the way that incidents are recorded at the Hospital.
For example, a cut arm could be recorded as a ‘cut arm’ and not self-harm.
Maybe the authorities need to look at the system for recording incidents so that the exact figures can be obtained so the Island has more robust statistical data on this problem.
However, on the positive side, it is reassuring to see that there is so much help and support available out there for teenagers and their families online and that many teenagers are now coming forward for help.
The States website, gov.je, has a wealth of information, encouragement and advice on this subject.
It is difficult to say whether social media is fuelling self-harm but we all know there are dangers and stresses associated with online social networks.
They can also be good things, but like everything in life, we must find balance.
If we care about our sons and daughters, we must also care about how they engage with their social networks.
- NCT Jersey Branch is running a special event for Real Nappy Week 2015. They are hoping to spread the love for cloth nappies here in Jersey with a mini-preloved sale, a raffle and lucky dip. The event is to be held on 25th April between 1.30 pm and 4 pm at St Andrew’s Community Centre, First Tower, with lots of free parking available.
- A new service available to families has opened at Pathways Child and Family Centre at Samarès School. School Nurse Leanne Jolly is holding a fortnightly drop-in service based at the centre. For support, advice and reassurance about the health, development and well-being of your school-age child, call in and chat to the school nurse in confidence. Dates for this month are: Thursday 16 April, 2 pm4 pm; Thursday 30 April 2pm 4pm.
- If you know of any family events coming up or are organising any family-friendly events this month or next month and want them to be featured in Parenting please get in touch by emailing parenting@jerseyeveningpost.com.
RADISSON Blu Waterfront Hotel has teamed up with JEP Parenting to offer one lucky family of four the chance to win a Sunday lunch.
Radisson Blu’s Waterfront Restaurant, Bar and Terrace, which recently underwent a major £1 million refurbishment, boasts an impressive menu with a focus on fresh, seasonal and local produce – all served in a relaxed setting with beautiful views.
Led by executive chef Vincent Duffy, the Waterfront Restaurant boasts a family-friendly approach to daytime and weekend dining.
For the chance to win this exclusive offer, please answer the following question:
On what day of the week is Radisson Waterfront Restaurant offering a complimentary lunch to one lucky family?
a) Wednesday
b) Thursday
c) Sunday
Terms and conditions: The offer is available between 1st April 2015–28th June 2015, subject to availability and excluding bank holiday weekends. The offer includes a complimentary Sunday lunch for a family of four. It does not include beverages.
To enter this competition log onto www.facebook.com/JerseyParentingPage.
