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What on earth happened to using one’s initiative and working out the simplest of tasks without a second thought?
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What on earth happened to using one’s initiative and working out even the simplest of tasks without a second thought?
These days we need instructions, usually laced with warnings of the dire consequences of ignoring them, to do such mundane things as making a cup of coffee.
Last weekend I reached the stark realisation that for most of life I have been risking serious injury. The Thursday before last was my birthday, and one of the gifts I received was a cafetière. What better way to begin a busy weekend than with an aromatic pot of fresh coffee? I thought on the way back from an early Saturday-morning walk in the company of the brace of Jack Russells.
What I hadn’t realised was that I had to memorise chapter and verse before a cup could touch my lips. Oh dear, I sighed as my spirits sank, another piece of equipment to add to the list of under-utilised household items because of the indecipherable instructions that resemble a technological version of War and Peace.
Coming from the generation that was repeatedly warned throughout childhood not to approach anything electrical or expensive in case I broke it, I have an in-built fear of gadgets which the average three-year-old today can programme blindfold.
The instructions began by stating the bleeding obvious: ‘Children and hot fluids must be kept apart,’ (what about bathtime? I mused) ‘and hot fluids must be handled with care.’
Undaunted, I pressed on, keeping the spout of both kettle and beaker away from me and – using just the weight of one hand – applying the slightest pressure to lower the plunger as excessive force could cause scalding liquid to splash over me. Eventually, in a state of utter nervous exhaustion, I sat down al-fresco to enjoy a welcome cup of not so life-threatingly hot coffee.
Now I know why there are so many coffee shops with highly trained staff to save us coffee lovers from doing ourselves serious injury and how much we are in their debt. Next time I order a flat white, I shall do so with due respect.
• Read the full column in today’s JEP
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