Brits have a reputation for being a bit straight-laced so euphemisms for sex run 10 a penny.
That said, The Times decided to move on from cliches of old in a recent tweet.
Hanky panky, how’s yer father, slap and tickle, do the dirty, getting jiggy, sexy time and more just did not cut the mustard so it coined an all-new phrase when sharing a column from writer Carol Midgley about sex, TV ownership and a new BBC show.
“It’s TV that kills your sex life”: people who own TV sets are 6 per cent less likely in any given week to “sweep the special chimney” https://t.co/zW23YdJRBY pic.twitter.com/amn2UMbWaV
— The Times of London (@thetimes) August 29, 2018
The thing is nobody, no-one, not a single being, British or otherwise, seemed to particularly relish the idea of “sweeping the special chimney”.
“Sweep the special chimney”. My heads gone. Sweep. Chimney. The special one. Like with a brush. In a chimney. Nah I’m finished. I’m joining a monastery. Never getting naked again.
Sweep. The Special. Chimney. https://t.co/UlADl0TCiM
— Carl Anka (@Ankaman616) August 29, 2018
Oh my God, no! Don’t say ‘sweep the special chimney’! WAAAH https://t.co/mQFvHpHAqv
— India Knight (@indiaknight) August 29, 2018
TV can’t possibly kill your sex life any quicker than calling it “sweeping the special chimney” would https://t.co/rjqwddWX8C
— Cass (@ceebrie) August 29, 2018
The Sunday Sport saw fit to retweet The Times euphemistic tweet, claiming its work on the planet “is done”.
The Times. The Times of London. Greatest newspaper in the world. “Sweep the special chimney”. Sunday Sport’s work on this planet is done… https://t.co/nnjnBVBie8
— Sunday Sport (@thesundaysport) August 29, 2018
If you ever need a job, give us a call. That’s even better than “battering the haddock”
— Sunday Sport (@thesundaysport) August 29, 2018
While Twitter blamed everyone from the work experience kid to an elderly dad and a time-travelling Victorian for the phrase, it was lifted straight from Midgley’s column.
And she seemed to be taking all the attention in good humour.
You can call it the “fun chimney” if you wish. I believe it’s interchangeable ???
— Carol Midgley (@CarolMidgley) August 29, 2018
I can only apologise
— Carol Midgley (@CarolMidgley) August 29, 2018
But the tweet was still getting plenty of attention – with some concerned it might not help one’s sex life.
Also, people who call it “sweep the special chimney” 99% less likely to get laid. https://t.co/lgzmUORTYK
— Barry Collins (@bazzacollins) August 29, 2018
Others thought history might judge us poorly for thinking that we uttered the phrase.
Oh God, see what you’ve done? Because of you, in 150 years, pop-history content writers are unironically going to claim that we all used to actually say this. https://t.co/Ryenq2brMg
— Dr Kate Wiles (@katemond) August 29, 2018
But the suggestions of other bad euphemisms for intercourse were as gloriously British as one could ever hope for.
Sweep the special chimneyLoad the magic washing machineScrub the mystic kettleClean the sensual ovenMop the lovely hallway https://t.co/OKNFgY3Uq4
— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) August 29, 2018
The tweet was ripe for being memed.
— McGack vas Qwib-Qwib (@TheRealMcGack) August 29, 2018
And for making a whole lot of double entendres from Mary Poppins gifs.
Oi Oi pic.twitter.com/uSb4ZWy3rq
— Jon Yarker (@Jon_Yarker) August 29, 2018
— Kate E. Jamieson ⛰ (@kateejamieson) August 29, 2018
Meanwhile, shout out to all the people discussing statistical anomalies in data sets and querying who doesn’t own a TV. Valid points but lost as the majority uttered “sweep the special chimney, really?”
— The TV Grump (@TheTVGrump) August 29, 2018
