- Parenting round-up
- Support for parents whose family are far away
- Facebook debate: Could you feed your family of four for just £40 a week
- Comment: How to behave in front of children
ONE of the main pressures parents who were not born in Jersey face is not having any family close by for support, says a mum who is about to launch a new parenting programme to help take any stresses away.
Emma McCullagh (37), an education practitioner who was born in Staffordshire but has lived in Jersey for 18 years, knows what it is like not to have family close by, and is urging parents not to be embarrassed to ask for help.
Miss McCullagh, who has years of experience working in primary and secondary schools supporting children with special needs and behavioural difficulties, as well as working as a prison officer at La Moye and as a health care assistant, has set up a parenting programme to help ease the daily pressures many mums and dads face.
A FUN day for all the family is being held in aid of Philip’s Footprints at Le Rocquier Sports Field next week.
The baby-loss charity will have a range of sports/activity demonstrations and taster sessions throughout the day, as well as all the family favourites like bouncy castles, large slide, face painting, lucky dip, tombola, cake stall, toy stall and crafty table for the children.
Sports Bug is putting on some activities for two- to four-year-olds, Jenca Music School will be providing some entertainment, Pony Mania will be there with their ‘ponies’ and you will find some Stormtroopers trooping around the grounds.
Admission is free and there will be a picnic area or you can choose something from the barbecue.
The Family Fun Day will be held from 10.30 am to 5.30 pm on Saturday 11 July.
Miss McCullagh said: ‘One pressure I hear a lot from parents, and which I can personally relate to, is not having any wider family support in Jersey.
‘This can be a struggle. Family can play a big part in supporting and raising a child, and it is certainly a pressure when you do not have this.’
Witnessing a mother ignore her baby’s cries on a bus journey from St Helier recently led Miss McCullagh to contact JEP Parenting and offer a free five-week course, called Circle of Security, to any parents who are struggling with the daily pressures of parenting.
‘There was a mother with a baby and toddler at the front of the bus and the baby cried from the bus station to First Tower,’ she said.
‘By this time people on the bus started to talk, turning to another person on the bus to share their disapproval.
‘The mother did not respond to the baby, she just held the toddler on her lap and looked out of the window.
‘I desperately wanted to go and support her. I wanted to say something.
‘I wanted to do something to help.
‘I could see from her body language and facial expressions she was not happy. But I couldn’t find the words. Being a parent brings so many challenges.
‘When I returned home, I contacted JEP Parenting and knew I had to offer something.
‘I am registered as a parent educator of the Circle of Security and the course is a tool, it is not the answer. But for some people it may be a start.’
She said that there is nothing that can prepare you for parenthood, but is hoping that she can pass on her advice and training to anyone who needs it.
‘The struggles I face are going from having lots of time for myself and my partner to having very little and being in demand 24/7.
‘It is a huge responsibility meeting the needs of a child, and a shock to the system. It is important to have time out for yourself so you can recharge your batteries and return to being a good enough parent. Sometimes my time out is just sitting reading, when my son is asleep.’
Miss McCullagh’s advice for any parent who feels under pressure or is struggling to cope is to ask for help.
‘I think it is normal at times to feel under pressure and feel that you cannot cope. I can say I have had these feelings.
‘This is what I love about the course – it helps you to recognise the good you are already doing as a parent.
‘My advice is to remember it is not a weakness to say you are struggling to cope.
‘Having a child is one of the most challenging and most amazing experiences anybody can have.
‘Be gentle and kind to yourself, talk to people, seek help, pick up the phone to a friend, try parent and child groups.
‘There is support out there. It’s when we don’t ask for help that problems arise.’
In 2012 Miss McCullagh set up her own business to support parents going through separation, and earlier this year she formed a partnership with Elizabeth de la Haye to create the company Positive Links.
Working at The Bridge Family Centre for three years inspired her to launch her Circle of Security course, which the charity also runs and which Miss McCullagh has been trained in.
‘Both The Bridge and Brighter Futures do the most amazing work for the community,’ she said.
‘Nobody knows what challenges they may face in life and what is around the corner for them and their family. I am so passionate about this course.
‘I can honestly say it helped me to reflect on myself, my friendships and family relationships.
‘When babies’ and children’s needs are understood, parents are more able to help.
‘Not only will many so-called behavioural problems be avoided, but the child will also learn how to feel secure with their parents and others in their world.
Hanson Renouf Advocates have supported this course and have offered their seminar room at their law firm on Hill Street. Anybody interested can contact Emma on 07797 774148 or email positive-links@outlook.com
The five free sessions will be run through July and August and spaces are limited. The normal charge is £80 per person or £120 per couple.
There is no charge for these first five sessions, but any donations will be given to Brighter Futures charity at The Bridge.
The average household in the UK is said to spend £83.60 each week on food and drink, according to recent reports. We asked parents in Jersey how much is their weekly food bill. This is what they had to say:
Elyssa: ‘I spend £200 a week for a family of five. I spent £40 just on a rip for a few extras.’
Monique: ‘It’s more like £150 a week for us, but we buy fresh fruit and veg. I don’t think we would get by on just £40 a week! And that’s not including nappies and baby milk.’
Chantelle: ‘I spend £130 a week for a family of five. That’s all fresh fruit,veg and meat, not including the bits I end up buying in between, like milk bread and so on. I think it is possible to do it on £40 if you use ready meals, but I wouldn’t be happy feeding my kids that. If it was just me, then fine, but kids need fresh stuff.’
Ally: ‘Forty pounds a day is more like it, with my family of five. I spend £15 just on milk a week. I started making my own bread and it worked out the same price as Co-Op 79p own brand.’
Zoe: ‘I couldn’t do £40 a week in, week out. I do a big shop once a month, probably £70, and £40 to £50 in between that. That’s for me and my daughter, and some nights my partner stays, but I have to buy my daughter snacks. I buy my fresh fruit and veg elsewhere. Sometimes this could be possible, but I couldn’t imagine doing £40 for four.’
To read more comments and to join the discussion, log on to facebook.com/JerseyParentingPage
Ellie-Mais super birthday donation is rewarded with singing lessons
A SIX-year-old girl who donated all her birthday presents to charity got her own surprise last week when she was offered free singing lessons for her good deed.
Ellie-Mai Martin donated all her birthday presents from her sixth birthday to the Grace Crocker Family Support Foundation to help sick children.
The charity helps families who have to go to the UK for treatment for their children.
The Crocker family said: ‘Ellie-Mai donated all her birthday presents, including vouchers and money, to the charity – what an amazing little girl!
‘We will be auctioning them in November at our ball – thank you so much.’
Ellie-Mai said: ‘I did it to help babies who get sick. I just want to help them.’
As a result of her good deed, local musician Jaime Boylan, who runs B Vocal Jersey at Fort Regent, offered Ellie-Mai free singing lessons for a month.
Jaime said: ‘What they young girl did was so incredibly kind and selfless for somebody so young that I’d like to offer her one lesson a week for a month.’
Jaime has performed alongside The Wanted, Oli Murs, Alexandra Burke and Tom Jones, and some of her students have supported JLS, James Arthur and Connor Maynard.
The Grace Crocker Family Support Foundation was set up in January 201, in memory of Grace, who passed away aged 11 weeks.
She was born with hypoplastic left heart syndrome and had open-heart surgery when she was just five days old.
Her parents and brother and sister lived in Jersey, so they had to move to Southampton for three months while Grace recovered from her surgery.
As a result of their experience, they set up the charity with the support of friends and family, to help other families from Jersey who need to spend time in the UK while their child receives medical treatment in a hospital.
Behaving in front of the children
YOU might have thought that you were reading the Waterford Whispers News last week when I mentioned that cursing was to be banned in playgrounds in the Irish city.
For those unfamiliar with the publication, it is a satirical Irish newspaper. But it wasn’t a spoof.
You did read correctly that swearing will be banned from all play parks in Waterford, Ireland, from 1 July.
Those who break the rules could end up with a fine of £1,270. They are also going to make playgrounds smoke-free zones.
All these ideas are great, but it has left many asking how on earth are they going to police it.
Calling the boys in blue because someone has turned the air blue in a playground is not something I can see being enforced very quickly in Ireland.
However, if it means that people will think before they swear in front of children and have respect for others, especially youngsters, when using public parks, then surely it is a good thing.
Parents work hard potty-training their children, so it’s about time that those who can’t mind their Ps and Qs (and Fs) train their potty-mouths.
My husband was on the beach with our children at the weekend and he had to move their innocent ears away from a group of men and women in their 50s who were effing and blinding about how drunk they were the night before.
Children are so easily influenced and will say what they hear, whether it is swear words or not.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m not a saint and have sometimes sounded like Father Jack if I’ve stubbed my toe on the side of a door or burnt the side of my arm on the oven.
But never in front of my children, or anyone else’s children, or in company.
Having said that, we haven’t reached the stage yet where our children have said a swear word or repeated one they have heard.
The only thing our daughter did say out loud when she was two was ‘Oh my god!’, which as a good old Irish Catholic girl made me cringe, as no doubt she had picked it up close to home.
But bless her, she now says ‘Oh my gosh!’ and even picks me, or anyone else, up quite quickly if we take the Lord’s name in vain.
Now she would do a good job at policing playgrounds!
THIS week’s children’s book review of the week is by the daughter of one of our reviewers from Kids Rock Jersey. The Boy in the Dress by David Walliams is reviewed by Isabel Pirouet (9), who her mum Julie says is now a Kids Rock Junior.
‘I like this book because it is funny and it shows that everyone is different. Dennis and Lisa become friends during detention and discover that they have a mutual love of dresses.
‘Lisa encourages Dennis to go to school the next day in a dress, and soon his secret is out. His dad gets angry about it and after upsetting his French teacher, Dennis is expelled by the head teacher, Mr Hawtrey, who appears to be very against cross-dressing.
‘Throughout the story people support Dennis by wearing dresses too. His football team all wear dresses and persuade him to play for them, and they go on to win the cup. The book finishes with Dennis’s dad finally sticking up for him and accepting him for who he is.
‘My favourite part is when someone discovers Mr Hawtrey’s secret –but that’s the twist of the story and I’ll let you find that out for yourself!’
Greenery is good
WITHIN a week of new statistics showing that Jersey’s population has exceeded 100,000, it has been claimed that a child’s mental development will be helped if they live near green, open spaces. Children who live near parks, gardens or woodland or who go to school surrounded by greenery were found on average to be a year ahead of in their mental development.
The research also found that living near water, particularly the sea, had a similar positive effect.
Tea pregnancy claims
A POPULAR brand of tea famous with the celebrities has come under fire after a number of women drinking it have fallen pregnant unexpectedly.
Bootea’s Teatox has been blamed for a string of accidental pregnancies.
It is claimed it can stop the contraceptive pill from working due to its ‘laxative effect’.
It has led to many discussing their experiences of drinking Teatox on social media, with some saying they have fallen pregnant drinking it while on the pill, while others say they should have been aware that taking anything with a laxative effect can stop the pill from working.
Obesity warning
AS the obesity time bomb continues to tick, UK schools are being encouraged to rigorously test pupils’ fitness at primary school to identify those most at risk of developing the condition.
Only half of British seven-year-olds have the recommended 60 minutes of physical activity a day, according to health body UK Active, who are suggesting that the effort that is put into maths and English is also put into fitness work.
Warmer, smaller
ANYONE expecting a baby this autumn might be interested to learn that scientists are claiming that those babies who are exposes to warm weather while in the woman are more likely to be born smaller than average.
An increase of over 8°C in the last trimester of pregnancy increases the risk of a lower birth weight and can even cause an early delivery, according to a study at Harvard University in the United States.
Fertility reduction
CERTAIN painkillers and anti-inflammatory drugs could significantly reduce a woman’s fertility, doctors in the Middle East are warning.
Researchers discovered that from 6% to 27% of women ovulated as per their normal cycle when taking a certain group of drugs, known as non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs, which includes the likes of ibuprofen and aspirin.
Eating disorders
THE number of young girls being treated in hospital for eating disorders is soaring, according to Health figures in the UK.
Experts are blaming social media and fitness apps for encouraging children to strive for the ‘perfect’ bodies of celebrities.
They also say young girls are becoming anorexic and bulimic as ‘coping strategies’ for the growing pressure of school exams.
