COMMENT: Living like a local – one girl’s guide to Island life

So far around 15,000 girls have submitted ideas for new badges, with ideas reportedly including those for vlogging, app design, activism and mindfulness.

The plan is for the ideas that are chosen to be introduced in stages up to summer 2018.

So it got me thinking, what Jersey badges could there be to earn your Islander stripes?

  • The clean-sweep King Street badge: The aim is to walk from Charing Cross to Big Boots without stopping to talk to all those people you know on your way. Weave your way strategically in and out of the crowds, learn to say hi without stopping and perfect the ‘in-a-rush’ walk.
  • The filter-in-turn badge: We may not be the best drivers (roundabouts, people?) but we are courteous at least. And there’s nothing more polite than a good old filter-in-turn – something I’ve rarely seen outside of Jersey. Earn this badge by learning how to negotiate all those that exist in the Island, plus observe the same protocol at other non-filter-in-turn junctions (causing minor confusion) as only a true local would.
  • The green lane badge: Once you’ve mastered filter-in-turns, move on to the Island’s narrowest 15-mph lanes. Learn how to reverse into passing spots, avoid hidden granite and judge just how wide a lane really is, even before branchage, to earn this badge.
  • The Jersey food badge: To earn this badge you must: be able to cook and serve Jersey Royals properly (no peeling, perfectly boiled and served with butter and maybe some salt and pepper), know the difference between spider and chancre crabs and be confident dissecting one at the dinner table, have eaten Wonders from a food van and be able to name the main ingredients in bean crock.
  • The parking badge: For this you will be tested on the speed and accuracy with which you can fill in enough pay cards to cover parking in town for a full working day – without checking the back of the cards or signposts for instructions. You’ll also need to know about the rules for the use of pay cards for beach parking, as well as the spots that don’t require them. And, crucially, can you remember your own J-plate number for Sand Street?
  • The pronunciation badge: From Ouaisné to St Ouen, and Mont Orgueil to the Minquiers, Jersey is full of weird spellings, quirks and pronunciations. To earn this badge, you not only have to say them correctly but spell them, too.
  • The St Malo badge: While we love our little Island, most Beans will agree that it’s important to be able to get off the rock from time to time. And this often involves an obligatory day/afternoon/few hours in the walled city of St Malo. To earn this badge, you need to navigate to the sea swimming pool, Irish bar and adult-entertainment/goods shop, know where the giant pots of Nutella live and know your way from the ferry to the hypermarket. Other variations of this badge are available, including those for Gatwick Airport and Poole.
  • The friendly rivalry badge: Recipients of this badge will be able to demonstrate the fine balance between disliking Guernsey and knowing when the time is right to identify as Channel Islanders. Think Muratti/Siam Cup, yet Heather Watson respectively.
  • The pound note badge: Not only do you need to have spotted (or given) at least five Jersey pound notes on bar notice boards around the world, but you also need to be able to swiftly defend their existence to anyone who dare suggest they clog up your wallet and shouldn’t be in circulation anymore.
  • And, finally, the travel disruption badge: Recipients will be given a surprise scenario and a tight time limit in which to find an alternative route for their travels. The disruption could include fog at the Airport, a problem with Condor or severe weather. Extra points for creativity and knowing what your travel insurance will cover.
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