Your 10 best things about life in Jersey

The little feature was prompted after we inadvertently upset Croydon in a JEP Opinion piece and the local paper responded by producing a list of the best things about the south London town.

We know life here is great – and it seems you agree. Here is your top ten, in no particular order.

1. THE SUN NEVER STOPS SHINING

Sometimes it feels like the sun just won’t leave us alone. We are officially the sunniest (and warmest) place in Britain. Anyone who doesn’t believe us should just look at our tans. If you aren’t bronzed by mid-April, we can only assume you have been on holiday to somewhere cold and wet, like the UK. About ten years ago Bognor Regis claimed they were the sunniest place in Britain, but no one paid any attention and it is now largely considered to be the world’s first example of fake news.

2. OUR COWS ARE SO PRETTY

Look at her. Just look at her. There is a reason why nowhere else in the world puts cows on their postcards. Think of the giant, dinosaur-like black and white beasts stomping around muddy fields in the UK. Then think of our slightly built, friendly doe-eyed girls. Their beauty stops locals and tourists in their tracks. Oh, and they produce the world’s greatest milk. Bravo, ladies.

3. WE HAVE THE WORLD’S BEST POTATOES

Other places have potatoes. We have Jersey Royals – the real reason why God created butter and mint. It is a vegetable so revered that anyone referring to it as a ‘spud’ should be marched down to the Magistrate’s Court and bound over to leave the Island.

4. WE ARE ALL SO FRIENDLY

Ever seen the face of a tourist when you slow down to let their hire car out of a junction? It’s a mixture of confusion and terror. You just sit there, urging them to edge out with a gentle wave that says: ‘Hey, I’m not about to carjack you. I’m letting you out. This is what we do here.’ We even wave other motorists out at roundabouts which, although terribly polite, does nothing but bring about a total collapse of the time-honoured tradition of only giving way to cars on your right. For a few utterly confusing seconds, everyone just sits there, not knowing if it’s their turn to go. Then suddenly one brave soul goes for it and the whole system reboots and we go off on our way, until it’s time to stop to let someone out of a junction again.

5. THE SUNSET FROM ST OUEN’S BAY

One Facebook commentator rightly said that ‘enjoying a beer while watching the sunset at St Ouen is the perfect end to the day’. Let’s face it, a pint of dishwater would taste just lovely with a view like that.

6. WE DON’T REALLY DO CRIME

Okay, Jersey may not be the ‘we-have-been-leaving-our-homes-and-cars-unlocked-for-so-long-we’ve-forgotten-where-we-have-put-the-keys’ haven of tranquillity that it used to be, but our crime rates are among the lowest in Britain.

7. WE HAVE CASTLES (PLURAL)

Most towns and cities have one castle at best. We have two. Or three if you count that bit of wall at Grosnez. Tourists love them, and for the locals it is re-assuring to know that if anyone tried to invade, we’d stand a pretty good chance of defending ourselves.

8. WE ARE ONLY AN HOUR AWAY FROM FRANCE

Knowing that you are just a short ferry crossing away from a world of reasonably priced wine and cheese is a wonderful thing.

9. PEOPLE THINK WE ARE SOOO CONTINENTAL

French road names. French place names. French surnames. They all make us feel that we live somewhere slightly continental, and it doesn’t matter that some of us can’t pronounce them.

10. YOU ARE ONLY A SHORT DRIVE FROM A BEACH

You want a big beach with big waves? Then go to St Ouen’s Bay. You want a little cove? Then head down to Bel Val. You want a safe beach for the kids? No worries, we’ve got that too – Grouville Beach, a wedge of sand that slopes so gently into the sea you have to wade out into French territorial waters before it is possible to swim.

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